Alternative Proposal: Review

http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/mariaallenjewellery/product/mini-gold-personalised-love-letter-necklace

Are you planning on proposing some time this year but not sure how to do it?  Are you looking for something different other than he standard get down on one knee? Are you unsure if they will say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ and for this reason would like to put off buying the ring until you are sure? (OK, so this last question is not ideal, but lets be honest it happens…..)

Whilst browsing the internet this morning I found this charming necklace, It can be personalised with any message you wish.  However, I thought it was perfect with the message ‘Marry Me.’  How cute, and what a great keepsake (if they said yes, of course!). There is a mini version (which is the one shown above) at a cost of £49, with the standard size costing £68-£80 depending upon whether you choose the gold or silver option.

We would be more than happy to be proposed in this way.  Gone are the days of ‘down on one knee’ holding an Elizabeth Duke velveteen ring box.  You need to stand out from the crowd and make a proposal that your chosen lady will remember for time.  However you decide to do it, this would be a great addition.

http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/mariaallenjewellery/product/personalised-sterling-love-letter-necklace

My (not-so-funny) Valentine: Weekly Writing Challenge

My now ex-husband left the marital home three years ago, on Valentine’s day-anything for a bit of extra drama!  So it has always been a bit of a strange day for me, a celebration of finally becoming free, but a reaffirmation I was once again single!  Last year was the first Valentine’s day since the eventful departure/extraction of the ex where I actually felt able to date.  I had been chatting to a man online for a few weeks and when he asked me out on a date, nicely coinciding with the 14th February, I was very happy to accept.  I thought ‘Wow, this timing is perfect, it is surely meant to be!’  He seemed nice, always had plenty to talk about and from his pictures he looked attractive.

So, Imagine my disappointment when the guy who turned up looked distinctly older than he did on his photographs.  He was also much shorter than his 6 foot 1 inches he had entered on his profile.  So glad I had decided not to wear heels that day.  I attempted to hide my disappointment and decided not to write him off just yet.  We had connected when chatting on line….kind off, and he seemed pleasant enough. He suggested we go for a drink before our meal.  As soon as we entered the bar we got our drinks and we went to sit down.  He led me over to a table and he sat in the single chair leaving me to sit on a bench type chair in the corner, not very polite may I say, and in addition, I do not like being shoved in a corner.  As soon as I sat down he then got up and sat next to me on the bench style chair.  As there was also a table in front of me I now felt rather uncomfortable-in fact worse than that, TRAPPED.  To break the ice and try to alleviate the awkwardness of the situation, I began began chatting about the messages we had sent and the conversations we had covered in those messages.  As hard as I tried, after twenty minutes or so the conversation began to run dry, I was really struggling to find anything to say to this man.  This is unusual for me as I can quite often fill any awkward silences with ease but this time I just could not think of any words.  It confirmed things when he returned from a trip to the toiler and exclaimed:

“Oh well you’ve not done a runner so that’s a bonus!”

By this point I was desperately trying to think of a viable excuse as to why I could not go for the meal with him.  I began saying I needed to get home shortly as I had loads of things to sort out before work the next day.   He proceeded to show me pictures of his family days out, a final picture of his mum with hot chocolate round her mouth and stuck to her teeth were pretty much the final straw for me.  Was this fella just some crazy man?! As I was about to make my excuses and go I received a text message.  ‘YES!’ I thought. ‘A get out clause, I can just tell him that there is some emergency and I really need to go.’  But no one could prepare me for this.  I could not believe it, it was from my date-YES THE ONE SAT NEXT TO ME! I looked at him, puzzled, and he showed no emotion on his face at all so I assumed it was an old message which had come through late.  But as I clicked the message open I could not believe my eyes.  The message read:

I am dying to kiss you right now

I know we met online, but this man did realise that when you meet up in person you are supposed to be able to converse face to face right? That we are not still in cyberland…..did nt he? I looked at him again (more than likely with a look of horror on my face).  At this point I really could not think of anything I would rather not do. I did not fancy him at all, there was no connection, no spark and to be honest he actually was starting to freak me out!  I could not understand how he had read this situation so badly.  Surely the absence of my response and the look I gave him was enough for him to understand that this was no the way to approach a situation? APPARENTLY NOT!!!

Before I could do or say anything he lunged towards me, and I did only what I could have done in this desperate situation-I grabbed the scarf tied around my neck, and pulled it up over my face and said:

“NO, I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO!”

My date looked wounded, like a child who’d been told off for stealing biscuits out of the biscuit tin.  He replied “Really?”.  Erm, let me take a minute this think about this………YES, REALLY! I had been hemmed into a corner, subjected to his family album and epic tedious stories about people, of whom I had no idea who they were, pictures of chocolate teeth, and to top it off a text message whilst he was sat next to me. This was embarrassing enough, but then to have to create a diversion so as to not have to kiss him was more than my nerves could take.  I felt as though I was on the verge of a panic attack. Overall I think anyone would probably agree this was not a great first date!  We sat there in silence for what felt like a life time in itself(probably about three seconds) and all I could think about what what I could say so he would let me get away.

“So……erm…..I’ve lots to do before work tomorrow, I am sorry but I need to leave.”

I managed in a slightly nervous squeaky voice.  With this I shoved my way out of the corner and practically ran through the door.  This was the last time I saw this man and the last time I engaged in online dating.

I’m pretty sure Valentine’s day for me is jinxed.

 

Related Article:

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/10/writing-challenge-valentine/?blogsub=confirmed#blog_subscription-3

Never date a personal trainer, unless you’re a personal trainer ;)

Yes he looked good, with his bulging biceps, tattooed arms and toned legs. At first sex was good, I think it was the novelty of having my own toy ken in the bedroom. However, the novelty did nt last long. His inability to talk about anything other than what he had trained, who he had trained, what he had eaten and what i had eaten soon took its toll. This poor man had no substance, he was like a really disappointingly expensive sweet. You take off the wrapper and it looks amazing but as soon as you take a bite you realise the investment was nt quite worth it so leave it for someone else to finish or put it in the bin.

B.

January…..a month to retreat

No one loves a party more than I do.  I have not had a weekend off from socialising since February last year.  Add all these parties to festivals and club nights as well as the obligatory wedding celebrations and birthday meals you could say I have had a pretty full on year.  In all honesty though this is how I like it!  I am lucky that I have such a wide circle of friends.  For this reason it is very rare that nothing is going on and sometimes I often struggle to fit everything in.  However, It has not always been this way.

Following my divorce I was often left sat in on my own with nothing to do.  Majority of my other friends were all either happily married or in relationships, off doing ‘couple-y’ things.  It was difficult, especially when all I wanted to do was go out, socialise and forget the misery I was currently enduring.  So I had to take things into my own hands!  Luckily for me, I do not find socialising difficult so I used to sit in on a Saturday night with a bottle of wine and once I had finished that I used to head into town on my own and see who was out that I knew.  I often would make up some story that I had been out with friends and I could not find them.  As it was often late, around 12am, most people were drunk enough to not really think much about whether my story was actually legit or not! So more often than not I would be able to have a full night out with my new ‘friends’.  I have met so many people in this way.  You should not be afraid to meet people in this way.  At first I felt that I was being an inconvenience but what I actually realised was I did not have enough confidence in the human race.  When our guards are down and we are out having fun most of us are actually very nice people!

The past year has been amazing, I have attended two hen weekends, two weddings, an awesome festival, numerous club nights, lots of birthdays and other celebrations, a holiday with friends abroad and a holiday with the children.  I have not had a free weekend since last February.

This Christmas has been a double edged sword.  I have had a lovely time and spent time with family and friends but Christmas day for me is always difficult.  Trying to keep everyone happy when you have to also accommodate the ex, when he is particularly difficult sometimes, is the hard thing.  You cannot help it, but it affects the day, especially when you cannot wake up on Christmas day with your babies watching their excited faces opening their presents.  It also highlights to me the people who are no longer here….in particular my grandma, whom I was very close to and miss every day.  In any event though it is truly the party season with lots of parties and drinking.  This was topped off with the best New Years Eve ever which did not end until New Years Day.

For this reason, it is time for me to take a little time to take stock of all that has happened over the last year.  I have grown so much as a person.  I have pushed boundaries and at the age of 33 actually feel like I am finding who I am, and I make no apologies for who I am either.  I am so grateful for my life and the people in it, old and new.  For the next few weeks I am going to be nice to myself, take time out of the party scene, detox, take walks and spend time in nature. Eat lovely food and watch films and read books.  I have loved every minute and I will miss this party lifestyle over the next few weeks but I need to recuperate and recover, I want to be fighting fit for the upcoming festival and party season and I know come the last Saturday of January is the day that it will all start again.

 

I am so excited for what 2014 has to offer me, and at the time though I thought my divorce was a terrible thing, it was in fact the opposite as I have been allowed the space to grow and I once again feel like myself, the adventurous, courageous and confident female I was before.  No matter how difficult life gets, keep going, see it as an adventure, as there is always something great around the corner.

B.

Gratitude brings happiness

I saw the ‘boy’ again on Friday and I have to say I really like him.  We ended up hand in hand dancing together all night.  We kissed again and this time it was really, really nice.  Every time I spend more time with him I like him more and more.  I think the next time I see him will be boxing day at a party we are going to and I have to say I am counting down the days….. I never thought that this man would affect me the way he has.  I am sure people would have never put us together and I myself could have ever anticipated how he makes me feel.

We are planning on being at the same party on NYE and I think I am going to have a great Christmas and New Year this year.  Striking a great balance of time with my children and family and also my second family….my friends!

Life could not be better for me at the moment and things are looking up after what has been a difficult couple of years following my divorce, death of grandparent, two serious accidents to family members and my child being involved in a serious accident.  Luckily, he is on the mend and things are slowly getting back to normal.  No matter however hard life gets, you have to keep on going because there is always something great waiting around the corner! Always be thankful for what you have, I believe gratitude is the key to happiness.

B.

 

Related Articles: A Sneaky kind of love http://wp.me/p487JK-4P

 

Dating Do’s

The following are my own observations and findings whilst being in the dating game.  I am sure there will be many people who will disagree with some of the points.  I have to be honest when I say I would have been one of those people when I began to date again.  However, over the last two years I began to see what worked and what did not work.

Firstly I guess I should explain what I was looking for from a man.  If I was just looking for a man as in someone to start a relationship with and I was not bothered about their looks, their prospects, morals or anything else then you do not need to play the dating game.  All you need to do is find a man who is as desperate to settle down as you are.  It may work for a while and you will probably get some good times, but eventually it is likely to fall apart.  Not all the time, may I add.  Sometimes there is that freak couple you know that manages to stay together through all adversity.  But, generally, and in most cases, if you begin a relationship with someone for the wrong reasons then it is not likely to last the test of time.

When I first began dating again I did not know what I was looking for in a relationship.  I did not know what type of man I wanted, what qualities I was looking for-I just wanted a man-a replacement for the one I had just lost.  Let me point out that if this is the case with you now, it is OK to feel like this.  The reason you feel like this, no matter how much you want to disagree, is because you are not over your last relationship.  This is why it is very important that you actually date people.  Date as many people as you like whilst you begin to work out what is important to you.  As long as you are not leading people on then you are not doing anything wrong.

After I jumped straight into a relationship (and then pretty much straight back out again) with the first man that offered themselves I then started another relationship with a ‘fitty’.  A man who was a personal trainer that looked good from the outside, but had absolutely nothing going on in the inside.  His only topic of conversations were training at the gym and what he ate on a daily basis.  Needless to say, that relationship did not last very long either.  These two are just examples of how you begin to work out what is and is not important.

These days, although looks matter to me, I do not seek high and low for the fittest man in the bar.  I am much more likely to be drawn towards someone with a great personality, someone who is considerate, that is an all round nice person, that can make me laugh.  I find at first that I do not even notice their clothes any more.  I would be lying if I said that I could date anyone as long as they could make me laugh, we nice to me etc, but that is not entirely true either.  There has to be a spark, but that spark can start from something other than looks.

It is important when dating for you to be the lady, and let him be the man.

I am not the most feminine type, I do now and again venture to the pub with jeans and a t-shirt, trendy pumps and a bobble hat! It is not all about the clothes, it is not about wearing the shortest skirt or lowest top you can find.  It is about acting like a lady and doing lady things.  Let the man do their man things, one thing men love is to be needed. Don’t take advantage…..numerous requests every day are not going to go down well and he will eventually get fed up with you, no matter how much he liked you in the first place.

This one, I have realised is very important.  He needs to do the chasing.  If you chase him then there is no challenge, what is he working for? If he already has you then there is nothing for him to work towards and it is likely he will quickly lose interest.  which is what leads me to the next point before you get chance to ask…..

If he is interested he will contact you. If a man likes you he will get in touch with you.  He will make the effort because the thought of anyone else getting in there first will eventually tear him apart.  There is nothing a man likes less than to see the woman he wants on the arm of another man.

Remember, there is no rule for contact. It may take a few days, week or two…however long it takes, he has still thought of you.  Give him chance to miss you.  This has happened on so many occasions with me.  I’ve even managed to turn relationships around.  I started off being the chaser with one man.  We dated a few times and he then lost interest, probably because I was no longer a challenge to him.  So when he stopped contacting me, as hard as it was for me to do so, I stopped contacting him too.  Out of the blue about three weeks later he sent me a message.  Instead of replying straight away I replied the next day.  I think the fact that he had to wait for a response ignited some interest again.  He now contacts me regularly asking if I fancy meeting up, but as it happens I’ve since met someone who interests me more, so at the moment I am generally very busy 😉

Never tell him you love him first.  By all means, show him you are interested and show affection, but do not smother him.  Let him become attached to you first.  It is important, as once a man makes that connection with you its difficult to break it.  He has got to that point on his own without being pressurised by you or anyone else.  That way he realises his own emotions and feelings therefore less likely to become complacent and bored.

These points are obviously not a guarantee to having a perfect relationship, but they are more my findings from dating, and believe me, in some circumstances I have found out the hard way!

Good luck.  In case you are not convinced, check out this article 🙂 http://metro.co.uk/2013/12/17/6-reasons-its-better-to-be-single-than-in-a-relationship-at-christmas-4226154/

B.

Who’s move is it first?

Technically who should ask who out? Is it the man or the woman? I was always under the impression it did not matter and being a confident girl I quite often the one to broach the subject.  However, as I have grown older, I realise it is actually a mans place to do so. Unfortunately this tradition appears to have gone out of the window a long time ago.

 

 

In my opinion:

“He who dares…..WINS!!!”

You ve got to take a chance, ask her out.  I think from my past experience if you have to ask the guy out it technically does not seem to go anywhere because the relationship (if it progresses to that) has gotten off on the wrong foot, so to speak.  The man needs to take charge of the situation, assert his confidence (and charm) and woo that lady!  Note to ladies: the only men worth having, will only stick around if you make them ‘work’ for you.  Hand yourself on a plate, roll over like a cat having its belly tickled, offer no challenge and this ‘potential’ relationship is going nowhere.

There are of course things you can do to nudge the guy along gently into asking you out.  But if you really like this fella then do yourself a favour and sit patiently and wait (whilst giving out all the correct signals of course!) Yes I know, easier said than done.  All you need is a bit of flirting, eye contact, interest in him and his life, act confident, laugh and make him laugh etc, etc.  Hope you got all this ;).

I am a great believer in that if it is meant to happen then it will.  Do not waste your energy or time considering who should ask who.  Relationships are not supposed to be difficult or strained.  If it is right then it will flow and when something flows, it can only ever go in the right direction!

B.

 

Related articles

• Online dating blunders (blogizing.wordpress.com)

Online dating blunders

Following on from my previous blog post (see below for related articles) on online dating, I’ve decided to put another post together.  Those of you who are fellas with an online dating profile you may want to consider these points, if you are having problems i.e. not getting any messages or not getting replies to messages you have sent.

1.  Be careful when choosing your user name.  User names such as ‘BigBalls1984’ and ‘hornyhunk1973’ are not attractive (yes these are real)

2. Tag lines such as ‘free to a good home’ or ‘sick of being single now’ are not going to have women queuing up for you.  They just scream desperate!

3. Sending messages which simply say ‘hi’ are highly likely to be ignored.  If you cannot be bothered putting in any effort with the first message why should we bother responding?

4. Stating things such as ‘Not looking for a penpal, if you only want to chat then jog on!’.  This is a major turn off.  Most women will want to send at least a few messages first, to check out whether or not they feel comfortable in meeting you.

5.  Putting naked pictures on.  This will only attract a certain type of woman…and not one looking for a relationship.  However, if sex is all you are looking for then carry on!

6.  Get an honest female friend to look at your photos for you.  I have never understood why men decide to put on pictures of them looking angry/aggressive accompanied with captions saying ‘my angry look’.  Think about it…..would you contact a woman that looked angry?!

7.  Put more than one photograph on of yourself, at least one close up and one full length (and make sure they are recent, not from 10 years ago when you feel you were in your prime).  If you do not do this then people may be disappointed if/when they meet you and likely to feel misled.  This will only set you up for a fall later on.

8.  Don’t kill yourself off! Think about how your message may be portrayed.  I received a good first message from someone the other week, it read:

“Bands, festivals, yoga, traveling and amazingly stunningly gorgeously beautiful wow!!! hows it going for you on here? xxx”

(ok so he may have been a bit over the top…but at least he had taken the time to read my profile)

so I replied:

“Hi, how are you. I would say if nothing else its rather amusing! Im not sure I am convinced to be honest! What about you? x”

to which he replied……..

“I can’t stand been on here but yet can’t seem to be able to get away from it, that might be down to the fact I get no interest from girls at all xxx”

Which immediately indicates this man has little self-confidence, and if he gets no interest at all then why should I be interested?  It always worries me when men come across so insecure.  You want the man to be able to stand up and take care of you, I just could nt see this happening from a person who comes across like this.  Secondly in my experience in the relationships I have had, where I went through  a stage of dating people who wanted to be ‘saved’ in one way or another, who suffered from low self esteem and confidence were the ones who usually suffered from jealousy and trust issues.  These are toxic relationships and not good for anyone involved.

9.  Do not ask too many questions in one message.  I got a message from a fella, and as nice looking as he was, I did not bother to reply.  The reason for this was he asked 6 questions in one message, all quite intimate, with the last two asking “so what do you think you could bring to a relationship?” and “what would you do to keep me interested?”

It is not an interview, and the main reason for messaging initially is to see whether conversation can flow naturally between two people.  If it cant flow over messages then its highly unlikely to be easy face to face.

10. Do not write about your best mate, who is female, and you love her to bits and she thinks you are a really nice guy and she just wants you to find someone who you really deserve…..blah, blah, blah.  Do not put pictures of her on your profile either.  Women automatically feel threatened by other women and will straight away begin assessing whether or not they would feel inferior to your best friend and whether they are going to have to be competing for your affection.  I am happy for fellas to have female friends, I am just not sure what I think about them having a female best friend.  Usually men with female best friends have either been in a relationship and shagged this woman before or they turn out to be gay.  Sad but generally true 😉

So if you are guilty of any of these profile blunders, rectify them and see if it makes a difference.  I would love to hear from you if it does! For all those women looking, I hope this puts some fellas on the right track and internet dating might not be so painful Happy searching everyone!

B.

Related articles

• Dating website is local job recruiter! (blogizing.wordpress.com)
• Sell me your knickers! The Strangest Online Dating Request (blogizing.wordpress.com)
• Without a spark there is no fire (blogizing.wordpress.com)

Dating website is local job recruiter!

I have been inspired to write about internet dating once again.  I have just received two messages (from separate men) and once again, they have left me speechless!

I switched on my laptop this morning and logged into my account and when I noticed I have two new messages I got a slight burst of excitement.  I say slight burst it was more likely a little twinkle which lasted a millisecond.  The reason for this as I have been on this site now for quite a while and there really is only one or two gems on there, the rest are unfortunately, like bug lumps of coal or small uninteresting pebbles. But you never know…..I am a believer in fate and I think if it’s meant to be then you will come across your soul mate one day, whether that is whilst you are crossing over the street, in a supermarket, online or the more traditional ‘meeting in a bar’.

 

I clicked on the first message from the user ‘BigBalls1984’ I think the username should have given it away but I must admit I did not check the user name before I clicked on the message. The message read, and I quote:

“Hey there, I love your profile pictures you are hot! Have you ever considered becoming an escort? You can make loads of money and its really not a bad job, you get paid to take men out.  What do you reckon?”

My intention clearly states on my profile ‘seeking a relationship’ but just to clarify, it is not a relationship of this type!

<DELETE MESSAGE>

Next one looks more promising.  I click on his profile photo, he looks lovely, dark hair, bright blue eyes and a nice, almost shy looking smile.  There are three other pictures on his profile and they are all equally as nice.  I read his profile and he seems nice, regular job, 5ft 11 inches (decent height though I prefer over 6 ft but I wont hold this against him).  I click on his message and it read:

“Hi, you seem like a really nice, down to earth girl.  Would you like to chat?”

I replied with a ‘yes’, why not, what have I got to lose, he actually seems nice and normal (this is important) so I replied:

“Hi, thank you for your message, you seem like a nice guy, what is a beautiful boy like you doing on a site like this?”

Well how I wish I had never asked…..

“Well, have you read the book 50 Shades of Grey? I am looking for a girl that is willing to train to become a submissive.  Do you think this is something you would be interested in?”

My reply…..

“Erm, thank you for the offer but no thanks! Good look with your search”

<DELETE MESSAGE>

This guy clearly has no idea who he is dealing with.  I consider myself to be a free spirit, quite hedonistic if I am honest.  To become a submissive for me would be like tearing off a birds wings and to finish it off, sticking it in a 4″x4″ box with no breathing space.

Well I guess my search for the one continues.  I remain hopeful though.  If nothing else the online dating is just an input of comedy in my life.  I do not take it too seriously and I am lucky I have a good social life so I do not rely on it being the only way to meet people.  Which is probably best, as unfortunately it would appear mostly the people on there are either desperate, obsessive,a time waster, a fake account, perverted or offering <ahem> a job in some way.

I would actually love to hear from anyone who has had success with online dating, as I am either doing something wrong or I am on the wrong site!

Related articles

• Sell me your knickers! The Strangest Online Dating Request (blogizing.wordpress.com)
• Without a spark there is no fire (blogizing.wordpress.com)

Sell me your knickers! The Strangest Online Dating Request

A little while ago I received a proposition from a man on an internet dating site.  This is not the only proposition I have had on there, and I must say the site generally seems to attract some very strange characters.  However, maybe it is me which is naive, but I could not believe my eyes when the message read:

“Would you consider selling me your used underwear? I will pay up to £200 for three pairs all I ask is that I choose the type of underwear”

WHAT??? At first I really thought he was joking!

I never knew things like this existed, until I began a little research on the internet and could not believe it.  I came across this site http://sellpantiesformoney.com/

The worrying thing is it gives you the option to sell your knickers, mentioning large amounts of money, but if you go further down the page it then begins to mention webcams etc.  I can only assume that this is how some people can get lured into working within the porn industry.  With so many people struggling financially and with people seeking fame more than ever I can see some girls will get pulled in.  What is more concerning is, are people going on to dating sites to try and find vulnerable people?  Luckily it is not something I would even consider, but I can imagine if you are strapped for cash and someone offers a large sum of money you may sell your soul and could end up regretting it later.

May I just clarify at this point that I am no prude and I know fetish and fantasies exist and mostly there is no problem with these.  My point here is are people prying on the vulnerable to get them into an industry which they would not normally consider?

 

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