I have tried online dating on and off for two years. Not because I had trouble meeting anyone, but because the people I were meeting were not necessarily what I was looking for. At first I was full of excitement….receiving messages left, right and centre…it gave me something to concentrate on after my separation and I liked the attention, if I am honest with myself. I even met a couple of the guys I had been chatting with online. Well….I met three actually.
One was a lovely guy and we met a couple of times, despite messaging for a while before meeting up, it was still a nerve wrecking experience! But we got on fine, though the distance between us made things difficult. We still send the odd message now and again but there was not a strong enough connection to make either of us feel strongly enough about making a concerted effort to keep things moving in the dating direction. So I guess this one could be classed as a partial success.
The other two dates turned out to be strange….and that is putting it lightly. To be honest….I wish I had never gone. These were the type of people that had put pictures on the site which must have been photoshopped in some way or another….or taking in a light which was more favourable to their feature ;) They both we much shorter than they had stated in their stats, and me being 5 ft 10 myself, find nothing less attractive than a man being shorter than me. I want a man to protect me and look after me, not the other way around! One suffered from a nervous twitch and despite me giving off signals I was not interested still tried to go in for a kiss which I have to say was quite possibly one of the most embarrassing situations I have been in….having to pull a scarf over my face whilst trying to duck out of the way!!! The other just kept talking about getting pissed and how he is usually at home by 10pm. WOW! I thought….I am a night owl. When I go out with friends….I am lucky to be in by 3am ;) He had a nervous stutter which made it difficult to understand what he was saying most of the time and I did not find him stimulating in any ways shape or form…so much so I made my excuses and left after half an hour later!
The problem I have found with online dating is this…..in order to fancy someone you need the whole package. When you first see someone…you decide within seconds whether or not you are attracted to them. Its just nature, that is just the way it is. You dont just look at their face, you take in the whole of them….their height, their body frame, their face and other features, and more importantly their stance…the way they show how confident they are…or not! If you manage to muster up enough confidence to approach them and speak to them, then you listen to their voice. This is important, you need to find their voice attractive, light it flows through your body as they speak. You can feel the persons energy (some may call it an aura). There is no way you can do this through a computer/laptop/tablet/phone. It is like when on occasion you meet someone and you either really like them or do not for whatever reason, you just cant put your finger on it.
It does not matter how many photographs they put on the site, they are not a true representation in most cases. They are always the best of the best and they are not 3d, you cannot get a true representation from a flat photograph!
Maybe it is just the case that I am too much of a ‘feeler’ I am an ENFP (Myers Briggs Test) but I think intuition is a great thing to go by. If your body is telling you something listen to it, because it is usually right…in my experience anyway.
My advice would be to get out there, look at people, feel their energy, watch their gestures and movements. This tells you a lot about a person, more so than what they are selectively telling you at the other end of the internet.
I’m sure there are successful relationships which have arisen from online dating but on the whole, it is not for most people. They are probably the lucky small percentage who just fell lucky. I on the whole found internet dating rather soul destroying on one level…thinking christ is this what I am attracting. Another point about internet dating sites is…it is a complete minefield. It really is a place for lots of strange folk to hang out…..
My final point is this….the time I saved checking my account and speaking to people that it was never going to go anywhere with….because suddenly they dropped off the face of the Earth or told me they used to be a woman or are looking for someone to become an escort…(yes this happened)…I used the time to focus on things I actually wanted to do. Like going out with friends and having a good time…walking my lovely dog and doing other things I really enjoy…like writing this blog ;)
Good luck with your dating, there will be someone for you just around the corner. I waited two years to find what I was looking for, but I am so glad I waited….so glad I did nt compromise what I was looking for as now I am the happiest I have ever been.
It is always a minefield when you are on the lookout for a new partner. I used to worry about whether or not we would be compatible when we finally slept together. There are a few things that I have learnt along the way, which are true signs as to whether or not you will be…
1. Butterflies. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach…some say it feels like butterflies. You look at them and you get an overwhelming feeling of excitement and nervousness all wrapped up into one. Without a connection it is going to be meaningless….
2. Compatible kisser. This is actually a very big indication. Hence where ‘kiss many frogs before you find your prince’ Come in. I have made the mistake in the past of sleeping with someone who has a terrible kisser and they were terrible….And likewise with an ‘ok kisser’ but nothing amazing….certainly did nt blow my socks off….and guess what….they did nt in bed either! But find someone who gets you going just by a brush of their lips, where you can feel the energy running through your body. I can tell you that the sex will be amazing. Furthermore, it is actually a scientific fact that kissing is human’s nature of knowing whether or not we are compatible. So take note!!!!
3. Connection. I can’t say until recently that I ever took much notice of this, but now I am a complete convert. If you get the butterflies and the electric kiss, spend some time with each other before you jump into each others beds. Become friends….best friends, whilst maintaining a flirty relationship. It means so much more when you finally have sex, and besides that if you can manages a couple or few months enjoying a merry dance, when the time finally comes, you wont be able to stop yourselves :)