We all know what it is like when we meet someone new, and we fall head over heels in love with them. It does not matter what the do or say, as to you they are perfect. However, you should always be aware of what a healthy relationship consists of. This can keep you out of trouble. If you know the signs before you get into a relationship this should help you to attract the type of partner that you will actually be loved and cared by, and in return you can do the same and of course live happily ever after, just like you have always dreamed………well maybe not ‘ever after’ but for a long time at least, and at least you will be happy 🙂
So what is a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship is a relationship where you feel happy, safe and secure. You completely trust your partner, you are not afraid of them, and they do not make unreasonable requests of you.
What makes a healthy relationship?
- Mutual respect. Do you respect each other? Do you listen and understand each others point of view? Do they know the real you and you know the real them? Can you be yourself or do you have to act like someone else. Mutual respect is a sign of a healthy relationship.
- Trust. You are talking to a guy, laughing and joking when your partner walks by. Do they act jealous and ask you if you are sleeping with each other/seeing each other behind his back, or do they say hi and join in the conversation, completely trusting you. If there is trust between the two of you this is a sign of a healthy relationship.
- Honesty. This goes hand in hand with trust. If you do not or cannot tell the truth then you cannot expect your partner to trust you. Most people know when another person is lying, even if not straight away. Are you open with what you are doing or who you are with or do you feel you have to cover this up from your partner. Do you feel they know you are lying but you justify it because you feel your partner will be upset with you? If you cannot be honest this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship
- Support. In the good times and the bad. Some people thrive on drama and are great when the going gets tough, but forget to be supportive in every day life when you need that extra encouragement to finally sign up for that college course you ve always wanted to do or take a part in a local play. Offering support to you consistently is a sign of a healthy relationship.
- Fairness/equality. Give and take. Do you spend as much time hanging out with his mates as you do your own, do you take turns in choosing which movie you are seeing at the cinema, or who will be making tea. If a power struggle starts and one of you are constantly trying to get your own way then this is not fair, nor is it equal and this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
- Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn’t mean you should feel like you’re losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn’t change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don’t, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
- Good communication. Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. You’ve probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don’t seem to speak the same language. If something is wrong and your partner asks you, stay calm and speak to them about what is upsetting you. There is no use in bottling up your emotions and feelings as it achieves nothing. If you are not ready to speak, tell them you would like a little space, but you will discuss it with them shortly. The right person for you will allow you this time to gather your thoughts and emotions. If you can communicate effectively this is a sign of a healthy relationship.
By now you should understand what is seen as a positive, healthy relationship. If you believe you are in one of these then a big ‘hi 5’ to the both of you and long may your happiness continue. If you have read this and feel you may be stuck in an unhealthy relationship maybe it is time to consider if the relationship is worth taking forward. Should you have found yourself in an abusive relationship where your partner is controlling or you have been groomed into things you are in a loving, healthy relationship, then you need to get out of it and quick. Stay strong, find local professionals to help you and you will be ok. Nothing in life can survive if it is toxic.
I had a problem. Every day when I collect the children from school and take them home, as soon as we walk through the door the same thing happens. They take their shoes off in the hallway and place them on the shoe rack (good work kids) then on the way from the hallway to the lounge area they take their coats off (whilst still walking) and drop it on the floor at the point wherever the coat is off their arms. (Aarrrgghhh!!!) This is not so great! This same action every day grates on me. One day feeling rather stressed out I said “Why every day do you do this?” My youngest daughter who was 5 at the time, looked at me with a blank look on her face and simply shrugged her shoulders. She did not even get what I was talking about, it was a look of ‘who cares? What’s the big deal mum.’ My eldest daughter, aged 7, looked at me and said rather nonchalant “Because there is nowhere to put it.”
I had always asked them to take their coats upstairs to their bedroom, but when I actually thought about it, when returning from school the first thing they want is a drink and a snack. As the kitchen is not on the way to their bedroom the likelihood of the coat arriving there before they arrive in the kitchen is zero.
I had to think of a resolution. Obvious…right? I suddenly had a ‘tahdah’ moment – COAT HOOKS
Oh……coat hooks. Simple resolution, right? No……
Because if you are anything like me, you wont be happy with the ordinary coat hooks that you can get in your local hardware store….
This particular example is £210, yeah it is solid wood (which is always a bonus with me) but where is the design, it is not attractive and the hooks are not always going to be covered by coats. My thoughts were I would like something which is different, and attractive and could be made into a feature. I also wanted something which my children would actually use, something they find to be a novelty.
After some searching I found the perfect solution. A fabulous six coat hook rack which look like a set of pencils. It looks like a great feature and you can even put in photographs of your children so they know who’s hook is who’s – so no more arguing! Win-win situation.
The rack costs just £119.00 (but if you are quick can get it on sale at a discounted price of £89.00) and can be purchased from http://www.fieldsofblue.co.uk/ But be quick as there is only one left in stock!
For those of you who would love something a little more shabby chic by style, there is a great alternative also available from Fields of Blue, at an exceptional value price of £19.95, and it still offers you the option of inserting photographs so as to avoid the arguments over who’s peg is who’s. Alternatively, you could insert some of your favourite pictures of small paintings done by yourselves or your children. Be creative 😉
Since getting the hooks, the problem is solved, my children not only now put their shoes on the shoe rack, but they also remember to hang up their coats. No more stressed mum upon return from school, and additionally, we always know where coats are in the morning on the way out of the door!
I am going through a transition period in my life, there have been rather quite a few difficulties thrown into my path which I have to stumble my way through. Luckily, I can see the bigger picture as I know it is the universe’s way of clearing out the things or people not needed in my life. Instead of trying to fight what is going on, I am doing my best to embrace it. It is still very difficult at times, and to the point when I am wondering whether I am in fact managing at all, whether it is all in my head or whether I am just going slightly crazy. However, most of the time I am coping rather well.
In embracing the changes and the good old ‘clear-out’ I have decided to clear out my home. I have been inspired by the article above which I found on the Zen Habits blog, which I stumbled across whilst reading another blog about keeping true to yourself whilst writing for your blog. Something I am trying very hard to do! I am a believer things are put into your path for a reason. I have been thinking my home is well over due a clear out and I even bought a book on Feng Shui the other day. I feel like things are a little stagnant and need help moving along. I have literally just found the article on Zen Habits minutes ago and I feel I have been led to it as a sign that my thoughts are correct.
My plan is to have a major clear out of all the things I no longer need or are not necessary in my life, and either donate to charity, take to the tip or sell. I plan to use the money I make to put towards a holiday for my children and I in the Summer. I feel we, as a family have culminated so much ‘stuff’ that our home feels full. It is not a nice feeling and I always feel that in order to grow you need room! Besides, my grandma always told me “A tidy home, is a tidy mind!”
Are any of you having the same feelings and thoughts? I would love to hear about them, so that I do not feel like I am an isolated case (as when I mention this to my friends they look at me as if I have gone daft in the head!)
I will keep you updated on how this goes. But I am determined to follow this through, and as I have a little time off work at the moment, I feel it is perfect timing. As well as this, Spring is coming, and there is nothing more pleasing than a good old Spring clean! Wish me luck! 🙂