Must not entertain manipulators

Having been married to the chief manipulator there were a few things that I learned along the way, and a few I realised post relationship.  First how do you recognise a manipulator?  A manipulator is someone who will do anything to get you to do things for them.  Beware of tears (they are not always a sign of being genuine), charm (being overly nice for no reason or over complimentary…..hmmm what do they want?!), guilt-tripping (projecting guilt on to you making them look like the victim) and lies (watch their body language).

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If you find yourself being involved with a manipulator, here are my tips:

1. Do not negotiate with them.  For emotional manipulators, it’s all about having, exerting and gaining more power. So they’ll always push for more and they’ll never compromise. YOU CANNOT WIN.

2. Don’t engage with them.  Don’t try to talk, or reason, or discuss some matter with them – as they’ll try to twist your motives, and leave you feeling “bad”. YOU CANNOT WIN.

3.  Don’t confront them. They’re quick to take offense and they love an argument. They’ll then turn and attack you – and never let things go. YOU CANNOT WIN.

You cannot have successful relationships with this type of person.  Every argument will be your fault (and believe me there will be lots of them as manipulators love arguments).  You will end up doing things you do not want to do or would have never considered (all because they want you to) and on the back of this, you will feel angry and annoyed with yourself for compromising your values or beliefs.  If they ever help you then you will be forever in your debt.  As difficult as it is, you need to try and not react to this person.  do not allow them to press your buttons, as once they have worked out what they are, you will become their constant source of entertainment.

You really are best not having anything to do with manipulators as they bring nothing positive to your life.  You will end up giving your all trying to please this person and constantly feel inadequate, therefore never happy.

Take note: manipulators are playing a game, they are unable to admit they are wrong, they do not build meaningful relationships.  These people should be avoided at all costs, harsh but true.  Do not work with these people, do not have relationships or friendships with them.  Do not even walk their dogs or feed their cats.  Whatever you do or whatever you say will be twisted and turned around to make you feel bad.  They have one objective, to wear you down and make you submit.  Everything to them is a competition and in their head the only person who can lose is you and they will not stop until they get that.  One thing is for sure, your life will be so much easier if you avoid these people.  I would have never said this ten years ago but seeing how my marriage ended and what I still have to put up with to this day it is something I can say with ease and not feel I have to apologise about.

B.

My new years resolution for 2014

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I only have two new years resolutions for 2014……

1.  I refuse to let my ex-husband affect my life. I he wishes to continue to try and upset me he can do so but I will not react to it.  I realise that if I can learn to deal with him in a positive way then my life will instantly be easier and much happier.

2.  Continue to pursue the life I want to live.  To be true to myself and not apologise for the person that I am.  Whatever I do I try to be positive and want to live a positive life.  This does not always mean doing what other people want me to do or live a life that others want me to live.

B.

Online dating blunders

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Following on from my previous blog post (see below for related articles) on online dating, I’ve decided to put another post together.  Those of you who are fellas with an online dating profile you may want to consider these points, if you are having problems i.e. not getting any messages or not getting replies to messages you have sent.

1.  Be careful when choosing your user name.  User names such as ‘BigBalls1984’ and ‘hornyhunk1973’ are not attractive (yes these are real)

2. Tag lines such as ‘free to a good home’ or ‘sick of being single now’ are not going to have women queuing up for you.  They just scream desperate!

3. Sending messages which simply say ‘hi’ are highly likely to be ignored.  If you cannot be bothered putting in any effort with the first message why should we bother responding?

4. Stating things such as ‘Not looking for a penpal, if you only want to chat then jog on!’.  This is a major turn off.  Most women will want to send at least a few messages first, to check out whether or not they feel comfortable in meeting you.

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5.  Putting naked pictures on.  This will only attract a certain type of woman…and not one looking for a relationship.  However, if sex is all you are looking for then carry on!

6.  Get an honest female friend to look at your photos for you.  I have never understood why men decide to put on pictures of them looking angry/aggressive accompanied with captions saying ‘my angry look’.  Think about it…..would you contact a woman that looked angry?!

7.  Put more than one photograph on of yourself, at least one close up and one full length (and make sure they are recent, not from 10 years ago when you feel you were in your prime).  If you do not do this then people may be disappointed if/when they meet you and likely to feel misled.  This will only set you up for a fall later on.

8.  Don’t kill yourself off! Think about how your message may be portrayed.  I received a good first message from someone the other week, it read:

“Bands, festivals, yoga, traveling and amazingly stunningly gorgeously beautiful wow!!! hows it going for you on here? xxx”

(ok so he may have been a bit over the top…but at least he had taken the time to read my profile)

so I replied:

“Hi, how are you. I would say if nothing else its rather amusing! Im not sure I am convinced to be honest! What about you? x”

to which he replied……..

“I can’t stand been on here but yet can’t seem to be able to get away from it, that might be down to the fact I get no interest from girls at all xxx”

Which immediately indicates this man has little self-confidence, and if he gets no interest at all then why should I be interested?  It always worries me when men come across so insecure.  You want the man to be able to stand up and take care of you, I just could nt see this happening from a person who comes across like this.  Secondly in my experience in the relationships I have had, where I went through  a stage of dating people who wanted to be ‘saved’ in one way or another, who suffered from low self esteem and confidence were the ones who usually suffered from jealousy and trust issues.  These are toxic relationships and not good for anyone involved.

9.  Do not ask too many questions in one message.  I got a message from a fella, and as nice looking as he was, I did not bother to reply.  The reason for this was he asked 6 questions in one message, all quite intimate, with the last two asking “so what do you think you could bring to a relationship?” and “what would you do to keep me interested?”

It is not an interview, and the main reason for messaging initially is to see whether conversation can flow naturally between two people.  If it cant flow over messages then its highly unlikely to be easy face to face.

10. Do not write about your best mate, who is female, and you love her to bits and she thinks you are a really nice guy and she just wants you to find someone who you really deserve…..blah, blah, blah.  Do not put pictures of her on your profile either.  Women automatically feel threatened by other women and will straight away begin assessing whether or not they would feel inferior to your best friend and whether they are going to have to be competing for your affection.  I am happy for fellas to have female friends, I am just not sure what I think about them having a female best friend.  Usually men with female best friends have either been in a relationship and shagged this woman before or they turn out to be gay.  Sad but generally true 😉

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So if you are guilty of any of these profile blunders, rectify them and see if it makes a difference.  I would love to hear from you if it does! For all those women looking, I hope this puts some fellas on the right track and internet dating might not be so painful Happy searching everyone!

B.

My Top 10 Sexiest Men

 

Following the top 100 sexiest men list published in Glamour, I thought I would create my own.  Here’s my list of who I consider to be the 10 sexiest men right now….feel free to let me know if I have missed anyone out 😉

At the age of 50, this guy definately still has it…..and for that reason he is given a well deserved spot at number

ten….Johnny Depp….

(you know you would!)

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In at number nine……

Jared Leto

I remember this guy from back in the 90’s in ‘My So-called life’ and that is when my love affair with this guy began.  Since then as well as more acting is also in a band ’30 seconds to Mars’.

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Now I know this one may be a little young, at just 20 years old, but there is no denying how beautiful this boy is….in at number 8 it’s a 1D boy….

Zayn Malik

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In at 7, this fella first came onto my radar whilst starting along side the lovely Channing Tatum in Magic Mike…it’s

Alex Pettyfer

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and six……of course

Channing Tatum

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Here’s a bonus picture of them both together 😉

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Ok…..put your tongues away…let’s crack on with number 5

one word: THOR (Phwoar)

Chris Hemsworth

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Getting near to the top, are you still on your seats????

Number four is a new entry as I only came across him recently in Breaking Bad…..where has this man been all my life??? (no its not the dad of Malcom in the Middle)  its….

Aaron Paul aka Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad

(at 34 we think he looks great, and enjoy his sometimes grungy look)

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At number 3, this is a guy who has been in the news and unfortunately in such tragic circumstances, but whilst he is no longer with us, we reckon he truly deserves this place…..RIP

Paul Walker

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Almost at the top, just pipped at the post and in at number 2 is

Ryan Gosling

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Drum roll please………..

Numero Uno, the sexiest man alive (in my opinion)

David Beckham

This guy is like a fine wine, he just gets better with age…. Enjoy!

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Hope you enjoyed my number 10….feel free to let me know who I may have missed!

B.