Without a spark there is no fire

tarzan

Not so long ago I began chatting to a guy on an online dating website.  We chatted for a couple of weeks and one day he asked me to meet up with him.  From his photographs he seemed a nice enough looking guy, he stated he was 6 feet tall and he had a good job etc, so on the face of it this man he great potential.  As I am a tallish lady, some 5 feet 10 inches tall I absolutely LOVE a tall man.  It is the security I feel when they hug you, almost like a ‘Tarzan and Jane’ moment.

Imagine my disappointment when the fella turned up looking distinctly older than he did on his photographs and about two inches shorter, he was the same height as me, and I was not wearing heels at the time (thank goodness!).  I decided not to write him off just yet as sometimes you have to give people the chance and he seemed pleasant enough.  We went for a drink and as soon as we went to sit down he sat in the single chair leaving me to sit on a bench type chair in the corner, not very polite and I do not like being shoved in a corner.  As soon as I sat down he then got up and sat next to me on the bench style chair.  As there was a table in front of me I now felt rather uncomfortable. However we soon began chatting about the messages we had sent and the conversations we had covered in those messages.  Unfortunately after twenty minutes or so the conversation began to run dry.  This is unusual for me as I can quite often fill any awkward silences with ease but something just did nt feel right.  It confirmed things when he went to the toilet and upon his return he said:

Oh well you’ve not done a runner so that’s a bonus!

I began saying I needed to get home shortly as I had loads of things to sort out at home before work the next day.   He proceeded to show me pictures of his family days out and the final picture of his mum with hot chocolate round her mouth and stuck to her teeth were pretty much the final straw.  As I was about to make my excuses and go I received a text message.  I could not believe it, it was from my date! I looked at him and he showed now emotion on his face at all so I presumed it was an old message which had come through late.  I clicked it open and I could not believe my eyes.  The message read:

I am dying to kiss you right now

I know we met online, but this man did realise that when you meet up you are supposed to be able to converse face to face orally as we are not still in cyberland…..did nt he? I looked at him again (more that likely with a look of horror on my face).  At this point I really could not think of anything I would rather not do. I did not fancy him at all, there was no connection, no spark and to be honest he actually was starting to freak me out!  Surely the absence of my response and the look I gave him was enough for him to understand that this was no the way to approach a situation.  UNFORTUNATELY NOT!!!

He lunged towards me, and I did only what I could of done in this desperate situation-I grabbed the scarf that was around my neck, put it over my mouth and said:

NO, I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO!

My date looked wounded, like a child who’d been told off for stealing biscuits out of the tin.  He replied “Really?”.  Erm, let me think about this a minute………YES, REALLY! I had been hemmed into a corner, subjected to his family album and epic tedious stories about people, of whom I had no idea who they were, and to top it off a text message whilst he was sat next to me which if that was nt embarrassing enough, then having to create a way to not kiss him which did not go too well as I was in such a panic.  Overall I think anyone would probably agree this was not a great first date!  We sat there in silence for what felt like a life time in itself and all I could think about what what can I say to leave.

So……erm…..I’ve lots to do before work tomorrow, I am sorry but I need to leave

I managed in a slightly nervous squeaky voice.

manipulation

As he was not familiar with the location we had met, I offered to walk him back to the train station.  Although this was a terrible date I do not believe he was a bad person.  He was just not for me and I could not just leave him stuck in the middle of nowhere as I would nt like that being done to me.  We walked the two minutes over to the train station and when we arrived he invited me out for a date in two days time….really???? Are you kidding?! I politely responded with “I will let you know” and he then said:

Well I know this may not have been the best date but I have had a really great time.  I know the timing was wrong with the kiss thing, but I think on the next date it wont be so awkward

Yes you are absolutely right mate, it wont be so awkward because there will never be a second date, not now and not ever. I politely said goodbye and left.

2-online-dating

This was a harsh lesson learnt.  I was an amateur online dater with just over three weeks experience.  It is very easy to become carried away with chatting online, maybe covering topics you would not normally cover and creating a connection, thinking you have some much in common.  The reality is, you can have as much in common with a person as you like, if there is no spark there, there is no fire! You cannot have a relationship with someone if there is nt that magic ingredient.  No one knows what that is and currently there is no scientific way of calculating whether or not you will find that connection, that spark, that x-factor with another person.  If you are going to date online my advice is this: Do not chat for too long (as you could be wasting valuable time) and arrange a date (in a public place, remember your safety!).  Meeting them is the only way you will ever know! You could be a perfect match according to the online dating site, but what do they really take into consideration?  My guess is, it is not your feelings or your heart or that connection. Online dating is a great way to be introduced to people and it does work for some, so by all means do it, you could be a lucky one. Just remember 1) Don’t fall in love with the online person because they may not be who they say they are (Think Catfish: The Movie, Catfish: The TV Show); 2) Meet – you need that connection; 3) Do not be afraid to meet because if it is meant to be then you will overcome any fear or awkwardness; 4) Follow your gut instinct at all times – if your initial reaction is to not meet do not do it.  If you get the urge to leave whilst on the date the do it!

As for me, I have met a few more people and been a couple more dates, but I’ll leave those stories for another time!

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