Happiness is the best revenge
Mental health
The advantages of love
To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
– Lao-Tzu
What is Child Sexual Exploitation?
http://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/help-advice/child-sexual-exploitation-cse
What is child sexual exploitation?
CSE is Child Sexual Exploitation. In very basic terms, it involves a victim being targeted and groomed by adults, with the intention of sexually assaulting and/or raping them.
The children are targeted because they are vulnerable; due to their age.
Grooming can take place in many forms – both ‘on line’ in social media chat rooms, via mobile phones or in person. The child will not always realise they are being groomed.
Often the grooming starts with friendship or a relationship, where the offender may supply gifts such as clothes, money, mobile phones, which may progress to the supply of alcohol and drugs.
Sometimes the children are given lifts and transported around. The offender will usually encourage the child to distance themselves further from their usual family and friends. Soon into this friendship/relationship, sexual assaults and rapes may occur upon the child.
The offenders are very organised and deliberate in their actions, in some cases working together within a group. They are predatory sex offenders, targeting specifically vulnerable children.
How can we educate young people about the dangers?
A great deal of work has been ongoing to make young people aware of the dangers of Child Sexual Exploitation. This includes regular work from partner organisations within schools to make pupils aware of this offence and how to identify it. There have also been a number of educational events which specialist officers have attended. This preventative work compliments the proactive operations, resulting in significant custodial sentences.
How can people recognise where sexual exploitation is taking place?
We offer literature and information via our websites to highlight the signs of Child Sexual Exploitation and how to get help. For instance, some offenders may use gifts to encourage young people to engage with them and is one of a number of indicators.
There will be acute cases of children subject to ongoing abuse and those children whose lifestyle and association means they are at risk of sexual exploitation.
Does technology make this offence more difficult to identify?
Although technology enables such offences to take place online through chat rooms and other mediums, it also leaves offenders open to being caught. We monitor these sites and where there is evidence of Child Sexual Exploitation, we can take action by seizing equipment such as computers and mobile phones. These strengthen the weight of evidence against the offenders.
From a preventative perspective, we also have nationally trained officers who work in schools to alert them to the online dangers and how to recognise the potential for grooming.
Know the Signs
Even something that seems like normal teenage behaviour could be a sign that a child is being sexually exploited. Some of the visible signs include:
- Regularly missing from home or school and staying out all night
- Change in behaviour – becoming aggressive and disruptive or quiet and withdrawn.
- Unexplained gifts or new possessions such as clothes, jewellery, mobile phones or money that can’t be accounted for.
- Increase in mobile phone use or secretive use
- Appearing to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- Being picked up or dropped off in cars by unknown adults
- A significantly older ‘boyfriend’ or ‘friend’ or lots of new friends
- Spending excessive amount of time online and becoming increasingly secretive about time spent online
- Sudden involvement in criminal behaviour or increased offending
- Sexual health problems
If you have any concerns that a child you know may be a victim of Child Sexual Exploitation report it to West Yorkshire Police by calling 101 or you can call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111
For more general information and links, see our personal safety section http://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/help-advice/crime-prevention/personal-safety
For more information about bullying, please click on the following link that will take you to ‘Bullying Online’, a registered charity that provides internet help and support for parents and children experiencing the trauma of school bullying –
Related Links: http://ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/
Taken from the above link. I am no expert in this, but I do feel passionately about this issue. The only way it can be tackled is to raise awareness of the issue and help people to identify what the signs are.
B.
Not Happy? It’s not the end
I was always perceived at school as a pretty and intelligent girl who was confident and not scared to stand up for herself. The truth was I was shy and had very low self esteem. I constantly strived for approval from others and all I ever wanted was to be accepted.
I could never work out whether or not I was accepted and so I would do things that I would not necessarily do, and for that reason I have made some bad choices in my life. Nothing which has ended me in prison or anything but nonetheless, if I knew what I know now things would have been very different.
My mum and dad divorced when I was 10. I never thought it affected me until recently. I looked back at my life and realised I have been rather destructive to myself and in particular in relationships. My dad was not an altogether abusive man but on occasion was physically abusive to my mum. My mum was not an overall manipulator but could be manipulative. It is easy for me to see why they are not together now when I look at them both. They are both remarried and happy. Furthermore, they are all friends which is nice to see, though it has taken them twenty years to get there.
As I always wanted to feel accepted and wanted, I became sexually active at 15. By the time I was 17 I was pregnant, to a boy from school. He became abusive and manipulating and I let it all happen. Getting pregnant was actually the saving grace as it gave me the strength to end the relationship as I did not want my child growing up around this man. In short, he kidnapped me, he abused me both physically and mentally, he stole off me and he cheated on me with numerous other girls and even one of my ‘friends’. I did not know at the time but he was also an alcoholic and a drug user, who was also struggling with coming to terms he was bi-sexual. Not that this gave him the right to treat me in the way he did.
After I had my child I met someone who was doing well for themselves and was extremely good looking. He even helped me look after my child. At first things were great, we shared lots of great times. But eventually the relationship fell apart. He became very controlling and rather manipulative and I felt trapped. I was 22 but felt like 32 (I am 33 now and I felt older then than I do now!) I still see this man as he still has contact with my child and for that I will always be thankful. But what I had done was let another man look after me and do everything for me.
To be honest looking back I am not surprised I met someone else. Not only were there issues in my relationship with control generally taking each other for granted, probably due to the fact we were very young and not really knowing how to deal with difficulties in the relationship. Additionally, I found it extremely difficult to communicate with my partner. I am not suprised at this either. Although I’ve always known my parents loved me, whilst I was growing up I was not really told that they did. I never heard the words ‘I love you.’ When I lived with my mum and dad, dad occasionally did not come home. I remember me asking mum one morning whilst in the kitchen where dad was and she told me he had gone to work early. Even at the young age of 8 or 9 years old I remember thinking ‘he did nt come home’. If my mum and dad had problems then they argued. I remember a lot of bickering and sniping, but I do not remember them being particularly happy.
I guess then in some way I had been programmed not to deal with issues and to retaliate by pushing people away, because I believed they were going to leave anyway. With hindsight I now know that this is what happened with this man. I did my best to push him away, as this was a barrier I had put up as I believed he would leave anyway. I could not fully open myself up to love him and I could not believe that someone actually loved me for me. We are actually engaged to be married and had bought a house together. We had everything and could have had more. I kept all the photographs from family holidays we had together and looking at them the other day I broke down in tears as we were actually in love. The way we were looking at each other in the photographs was so extremely touching and it is for this reason that I have kept them as I want my child to have these so they know that we did love each other once. In fact, I believe we still love each other now, but things have changed and us as people have changed also. If I had the tools to salvage that relationship at that time then I would have done. But obviously it was not meant to be.
I jumped from that relationship into another which initially gave me the freedom and excitement I was so desperately looking for. Unfortunately it turned out to be an extremely bad decision, but this I will discuss at another time as this is a very long story in itself.
It was only after I had to make some very brave decisions and walk away from this relationship. It was one of hardest things I have ever had to do. But it was only then that I began to actually find myself. Since my divorce three years ago I left my job, which I had not been happy in for over three years. I enrolled to do a degree I had always wanted to do, and got work at a local charity. I had desperately wanted to do a job where I felt I was making a difference to people for such a long time. I am still single, I am still studying and I am the happiest I have ever been. I have also taken this time whilst I have been single to reflect on past relationships and behaviours, as well as life events such as my parents divorce. I understand why I have acted in the way I have. I have forgiven myself for some of the things I have done. I have apologised to the relevant people for the way I have acted and I am ready to move on. One thing I realised is as my mum never said ‘I love you’ to me as a child I constantly say it to my children. My dad says it to me all the time, and I can easily reciprocate, but until recently I could never say it to my mum. Not because I did nt, but because we just never had. But mum if you ever read this please know one thing, I do love you with all my heart and now I am older I know that the words do not always have to be spoken.
Over the last couple of years I have had many discussions with my parents (separately of course) and I can see both sides of their story. I have also accepted certain things from my childhood and forgiven and let go.
I know I am of worth. I know I have grown up to be a good mum, a kind hearted person who does not judge others and always try to see the best in them. I have ambition and know I will get there. It may have taken me longer than I would have first envisioned but I know that anything is possible and I will keep going until I get where I want to be. So for all of you who have experienced set backs, losses and difficulties never give up, keep going because you will get there, even if the journey is long. If you are not at the happy ending then you are not at the end 🙂
B.
Parents penalised for offering travel and culture to kids
This couple were in court today for taking their kids abroad on holiday for 1 week. They were fined £630, £300 costs and £63 victim surcharge. So you can work (paying tax to government) save up and take your kids on holiday to have some quality family time and let your children experience culture and travel, and be fined (money to go to government again). My son was off school for three months due to an accident, it took the education department two months to arrange a home tutor. He will sit his GCSE’s in just over a year. Who do I issue our fine to for them failing to provide continuous education, which they are obliged to do so. I calculate they owe us thousands, and lets not forget to add on the teacher training days and strike days. There is no justice, the fine this couple received is more than most fines for drink driving or burglary! Just another way of controlling a part of society. Finally the law they refer to is ambiguous and subject to interpretation as it states ‘regular basis’. I consider regular to be something you do often, not necessarily every day, therefore cannot see how they can enforce this upon someone whose children are otherwise present in school, barr a week for a holiday! Grrrr…..Rant over!
SORRY FOR THE CAPITALS, I AM RATHER RILED!
b.
Benefits Street…..Tricked Street?
Finally, a refection of the documentary which makes some sense, see link (above) to the Independent’s response to the TV series ‘Benefits Street’ which was on Channel 4 at 9pm on the 7th January 2014. The country we live in sometimes makes me feel so sad. We are consumed with negativity and covered by a big black cloud that is the media feeding us with mostly absolute drivel.
Channel 4 should be ashamed of themselves. The people who were featured in this documentary are real people trying to live real lives. Yes the majority of them are on benefits, for what reasons it is unknown, and for this reason alone who are we to judge? How about the government stop reducing the benefit payments, put a hold of the rise of the cost of living and see what happens then. Maybe you might just see a reduction in crime? One thing is for sure, continue to make the cuts and this situation will only worsen. To target a street which is predominantly made up of single parents, unemployed and people with addictions is a cheap shot. The fact the documentary stated there were around 15 different nationalities on the street says a lot. Lets not forget it was the government who let all these nationalities in. These are now on benefits in our country with no jobs. Funnily enough the documentary did nt feature the other nationalities! I believe these people have been tricked into taking part, with one resident saying “They said they wanted to film for a TV show about how great community spirit is in the street and how we all help each other out on a daily basis,” said Ms Roberts, 32. (4 News)
This type of documentary is not cutting edge. It is no wonder people are growing up and becoming bullies, because they are surrounded by it every not just from people on the street but by the media. Channel 4 have picked on the poor and defenseless, adding fuel to the fire of the picture the government are trying to paint of people on benefits so that they can justify even more cuts. The truth is these people are not a representation of the mass.
On a lighter note, it has been reported that the ’50p man’ selling items, not only trying to make a wage for himself, but help out his neighbours has been offered a job-on the back of the documentary. I sincerely hope this is true as this will install a little faith in humanity.
Documentaries like this is are so damaging. This is not the first, there have been many documentaries like this such as Skint (Channel 5), People Like Us (BBC3). This is the reason why everyone who receives help from the government are seen as the dregs of society. However, being a single working mum of three children and also studying for a degree in Psychology I can assure you I do not receive anywhere near as much money as what people believe I do. I can barely afford to pay my bills every month thanks to the increasingly expensive rising cost of living and the reduction in help from the government. The government are here for one thing…..to govern….to control and I know that until I can get myself in a position where I do not need government help I will always be trapped. The harsh reality is we are often imprisoned in our own lives and left with real little choice of how to live our lives, as we are financially controlled by our own country and forced to live a life which is seen as socially acceptable. It is time to start thinking outside of the box. We all need to wake up and take a stand. Stop believing everything you see, read and hear and question what is actually going on and what is important in life. It is difficult at first, but once you start you will wonder how you have managed to just coast along in ‘zombie nation’ for so long.
B.
Feed, water & nurture….keeping love alive
Pretty sure this goes for men as well 😉
No one ever said relationships were easy but I’ll give you a word of advice, if you love them and could nt imagine life without them do not leave it too late.
Quick tips to keep a relationship alive:
- Respect your partner. They are the most important thing in your life or should be. Treat them how you wish to be treated.
- Communicate. As with everything communication is key. Ensure you are patient and discuss things in a calm manner.
- Make time for each other. Try and have a date night once a week. Even a couple of hours to spend quality time together, discuss you week, your joint plans for the future or just to have a good laugh. This will ensure you remain connected to each other.
- Show appreciation for things the do for you. Treats and jobs around the house no matter how big or small they are you should always be grateful.
- Expect changes in your relationship. As with everything, nothing stands still over time. You have to expect changes to your relationship as it progresses.
- Believe in your relationship. Have faith that your relationship will work. Surround your relationship with positive thoughts.
In my opinion relationships are a lot like growing and nurturing plants. You have to ensure your feed them, water them, shower them with attention and give them the correct conditions to allow them to grow. If you put them in a shadowed area to grow they may still do so, but it will be weak, grows at a slower speed and wont reach its potential and will eventually die. Just like if you surround your relationship with drama or do not give it the time and attention it deserves it will die.
Related articles
- Keeping The Spark Alive (gezzygirl.wordpress.com)
- Relationships and Monogamy (delantonio.com)
- Keeping Your Romance Alive (spyghana.com)
Blogizing 