Stuck in Second Gear

Some days she finds it so hard to motivate herself….it can be past eleven before she can drag herself out of bed.  She has little in her life which seems to inspire her but when she gets a sudden wave she knows she has to run with it, because it never lasts long.  There is not much that seems to keep her interested.  She is just floating along, in second gear, no up no downs, no excitement….almost feels like nothing…

It has not always been this way, she remembers the days when she felt a tingle of excitement at daily things which happened in her life, everything was colourful.  She was happy and despite difficulties she always got through it.  Sometimes she actually enjoyed the obstacles.  She cannot pinpoint the day where she became stuck in second gear.  She does not feel bad enough to be in first gear…crawling along at 10 mph, or worst still at a complete stop.  But second gear, lets face it she is coasting.  Coasting through life.

What happened to the girl that always flew through life at 60 miles per hour, living life in the fast lane.  Full of ambition, knowing that what she wanted in life she would get….

That girl has not disappeared she is still here, and she is desperately trying to shift back up in gears.  She is assessing her life and re-focusing her energies on what she wants.  She will be back achieving what she wants in life, it may just take some time.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP

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“The capacity t…

“The capacity to become depressed, to have a reactive depression, to mourn loss, is something that is not inborn nor is it an illness; it comes as an achievement of healthy emotional growth … the fact is that life itself is difficult … probably the greatest suffering in the human world is the suffering of normal or healthy or mature persons … this is not generally recognized.” Donald Winnicott

Panic & Anxiety: Stress Check

http://missfoureyes.wordpress.com/2014/02/26/the-monster/

I read an article this morning and as anxiety is something I do suffer from, especially when the going gets tough, I decided to share with you some symptoms which will help you to identify if you are stressed, and hopefully you can then take steps to chill the hell out 😉

  • General fatigue
  • Dry mouth
  • Frustration
  • Nervous coughing
  • Sudden tears for no reason
  • Unable to control crying outbursts
  • Over reaction
  • Irritability
  • Binge drinking
  • Talking too much
  • Chain smoking
  • Fiddling with your hair
  • Pulling out your hair
  • Sudden sweating
  • Headaches
  • Upset stomach
  • Heartburn
  • Sudden anger with little or no reason
  • Sudden heart pounding or palpitations
  • Muscle aches
  • Overeating
  • Constant feeling that this is no enough time
  • Tic/twitching eyebrows or mouth
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Nervous coughing
  • Drumming your fingers
  • Tapping your foot
  • Clenched jaw
  • Turning red faced
  • Headaches
  • Feeling of expecting bad news or something bad is going to happen
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Sudden inability to express yourself
  • Impatience
  • Nail biting
  • Constant picking fingernails or face
  • Trying to do two or three things at once

It is advisable to keep a stress diary, record your feelings on a daily basis.  This is a good way to track your feeling and emotions and remember exactly how you felt.  If you are anything like me, it is likely you will feel different on almost a daily basis.  If you can recognize you are stressed this is the first step in being able to control it.

If you are stressed or suffering from anxiety, there are many ways in which you can have treatment, and not just with medication. I am personally a fan of complementary medicine such as:

  • Aromatherapy, applying oils directly to skin or in oil burners (a great supportive treatment)
  • Exercise, instant mood lifter.  The hardest part can be getting yourself to do the exercise.  Whether you choose to go to the gym or out for a big hike, play football, cycle or golf, as you finish the exercise you feel immediately better about yourself.  Keep trying until you find something you enjoy.
  • Massage
  • Hypnotherapy
  • Meditation

Personally, I have found one of the best ways to help with stress is practicing yoga.  Many people believe yoga is a type of religion, but this is not true.  You practice controlled movement and stresses with breathing which I have found to be very effective.

Do not forget, if you are feeling stressed or anxious, to visit your doctor, who will be able to offer you advice and point you in the right direction for help.  It may be that there has been some life event that has initiated the symptoms and counselling may be helpful.

stop stressing start living

I really try to remember that we are only here once, we need to live our lives as much as we can.  I find it helpful to keep a gratitude diary, so that I remind myself to be thankful for the small things in life.  This keeps things in perspective for me and stops me from slipping into depression.  What coping mechanisms do you use?  We would love to hear them

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Going Backwards? It is not possible, time will never allow it

I had my first child at 17, needless to say I was nt married and the relationship did not last. By 28 I had given birth to my second and third children.  I still was not married, nor did the fella ever intend to propose, mainly as he knew he had some sort of control in this matter, and all I ever wanted was the happily ever after.  So I planned the wedding, and when our third child was 6 months old, we got married.  I was never proposed to, and he never said he wanted to marry me, but he did. I am now divorced. Single again and have been for two years.  I am dating, for the first time in my life.  I meet men, go on dates and if I want to see them again I do, if I don’t  then I don’t.  For the first time in my life, I realised I actually had a choice in relationships.  My children are older now.  I go out with friends, I go on holiday with them, weekends away to festivals and allow myself that time to let my hair down.  I am truly living a single life.  With three older children in tow.  They of course also get my time, but as I am sole carer, with not much of a break I allow myself some freedom now and again.  I benefit, but so do they.

I had a career at 21, working in a law firm, receiving a large pay check at the end of each month and a decent annual bonus to boot.  At 30, I left, I’d had enough of the rat race and returned to university.  I am a student. I also work, part time.

I had a house at 21, albeit with a mortgage but it was mine.  After a failed engagement and then a failed marriage and all the financial implications that came with that (thanks ex-husband for eternally lumbering me with your debt) I now live in rented.  Although it is not all bad, as in actual fact this is the first house that actually feels like home to me, since leaving my parents home some 15 years ago.

At 21, despite having a child, I had savings.  Maybe this was because it was before the recession hit us, I do not know.  But I now no longer have savings.  Another way I have gone backwards…..?

I felt at one point I had it all.  Husband, children, career, money. But I did not.  I did not have my freedom, nor my happiness. I was sad, and despite being surrounded by my husband and children I felt lonely.  Nothing fulfilled me.  I felt like a shell, an outline of a person with nothing inside. Empty.

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I used to be very creative, but all of this had fallen by the way side to make time for my career and my children.  I was desperately trying to hold everything together and it worked for a couple of years, but once the cracks began to show, no matter how much I tried to plaster of them, it was just a temporary fix.  I had to strip back to basics, and reassess my life.  At first I thought I had thrown everything away, until I realised I had in fact just began to clear everything away.  The things which I no longer needed in my life as they served no purpose, and in fact made me very unhappy.  However, I am happier now than I have ever been.  I still have problems in my life I have to deal with, but I do not ‘struggle’ to deal with them.  I am not constantly stressed out and have managed to develop a ‘whatever will be, will be’ attitude.  I believe sometimes we are so conditioned by society that we believe the house, car, husband, children, career blahdy blah is what is going to keep us happy. Having lived that live, it did not work for me, and I know plenty others that it has not worked for either.

If you feel unhappy, it is time to assess your life.  Do not be frightened, as you have to do this, for yourself. You have a duty to live life in the most happiest, fulfilling way that you can.

I had difficulty allowing myself time.  I felt guilty, feeling as though I had to be there for my children 24/7.  So I not only felt guilty when I went out for dinner with friends, or for a weekend away at a spa, I felt guilty when I went to work!  Working 10 hours a day in a law firm, meant most days I did not see my children for more than an hour a day-combined from before and after work.  It made it more difficult for me to accept as when I tried to explain it to my husband, he was so money driven (mainly as I paid his bills) that he failed to even consider a reduction in my hours.  So when I was finally brave enough to take a look at my life, and after my now ex-husband had left, I know the next thing on my list was my work.  I had always been interested in people and what made them tick, so I chose to do Psychology.  I left my work, which had always served as a security blanket and I took the giant step of becoming a student. This freed up a lot of my time, and now I can take my children to school every morning and collect them from school three days a week.  The guilt of not being a ‘proper’ mother (this way my ideal of the type of mother I wanted to be) to my children has gone.  Which now means I can also take time out some weekends, guilt-free.

Your steps do not have to be as life changing as mine, I am in no way advocating that every one packs in their jobs and gets divorced.  This worked for me, and I am still in transition after two years, but every day I am a step closer to where I want to be.  So even though I looked as though I was going backwards, (and believe me, many people questioned me, and some thought I was in mid-life crisis) I actually just cleared the decks so I could move forwards. I AM HAPPY.

happy

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