The following are my own observations and findings whilst being in the dating game. I am sure there will be many people who will disagree with some of the points. I have to be honest when I say I would have been one of those people when I began to date again. However, over the last two years I began to see what worked and what did not work.
Firstly I guess I should explain what I was looking for from a man. If I was just looking for a man as in someone to start a relationship with and I was not bothered about their looks, their prospects, morals or anything else then you do not need to play the dating game. All you need to do is find a man who is as desperate to settle down as you are. It may work for a while and you will probably get some good times, but eventually it is likely to fall apart. Not all the time, may I add. Sometimes there is that freak couple you know that manages to stay together through all adversity. But, generally, and in most cases, if you begin a relationship with someone for the wrong reasons then it is not likely to last the test of time.
When I first began dating again I did not know what I was looking for in a relationship. I did not know what type of man I wanted, what qualities I was looking for-I just wanted a man-a replacement for the one I had just lost. Let me point out that if this is the case with you now, it is OK to feel like this. The reason you feel like this, no matter how much you want to disagree, is because you are not over your last relationship. This is why it is very important that you actually date people. Date as many people as you like whilst you begin to work out what is important to you. As long as you are not leading people on then you are not doing anything wrong.
After I jumped straight into a relationship (and then pretty much straight back out again) with the first man that offered themselves I then started another relationship with a ‘fitty’. A man who was a personal trainer that looked good from the outside, but had absolutely nothing going on in the inside. His only topic of conversations were training at the gym and what he ate on a daily basis. Needless to say, that relationship did not last very long either. These two are just examples of how you begin to work out what is and is not important.
These days, although looks matter to me, I do not seek high and low for the fittest man in the bar. I am much more likely to be drawn towards someone with a great personality, someone who is considerate, that is an all round nice person, that can make me laugh. I find at first that I do not even notice their clothes any more. I would be lying if I said that I could date anyone as long as they could make me laugh, we nice to me etc, but that is not entirely true either. There has to be a spark, but that spark can start from something other than looks.
It is important when dating for you to be the lady, and let him be the man.
I am not the most feminine type, I do now and again venture to the pub with jeans and a t-shirt, trendy pumps and a bobble hat! It is not all about the clothes, it is not about wearing the shortest skirt or lowest top you can find. It is about acting like a lady and doing lady things. Let the man do their man things, one thing men love is to be needed. Don’t take advantage…..numerous requests every day are not going to go down well and he will eventually get fed up with you, no matter how much he liked you in the first place.
This one, I have realised is very important. He needs to do the chasing. If you chase him then there is no challenge, what is he working for? If he already has you then there is nothing for him to work towards and it is likely he will quickly lose interest. which is what leads me to the next point before you get chance to ask…..
If he is interested he will contact you. If a man likes you he will get in touch with you. He will make the effort because the thought of anyone else getting in there first will eventually tear him apart. There is nothing a man likes less than to see the woman he wants on the arm of another man.
Remember, there is no rule for contact. It may take a few days, week or two…however long it takes, he has still thought of you. Give him chance to miss you. This has happened on so many occasions with me. I’ve even managed to turn relationships around. I started off being the chaser with one man. We dated a few times and he then lost interest, probably because I was no longer a challenge to him. So when he stopped contacting me, as hard as it was for me to do so, I stopped contacting him too. Out of the blue about three weeks later he sent me a message. Instead of replying straight away I replied the next day. I think the fact that he had to wait for a response ignited some interest again. He now contacts me regularly asking if I fancy meeting up, but as it happens I’ve since met someone who interests me more, so at the moment I am generally very busy 😉
Never tell him you love him first. By all means, show him you are interested and show affection, but do not smother him. Let him become attached to you first. It is important, as once a man makes that connection with you its difficult to break it. He has got to that point on his own without being pressurised by you or anyone else. That way he realises his own emotions and feelings therefore less likely to become complacent and bored.
These points are obviously not a guarantee to having a perfect relationship, but they are more my findings from dating, and believe me, in some circumstances I have found out the hard way!
Good luck. In case you are not convinced, check out this article 🙂 http://metro.co.uk/2013/12/17/6-reasons-its-better-to-be-single-than-in-a-relationship-at-christmas-4226154/