Online dating blunders

online-dating texter

Following on from my previous blog post (see below for related articles) on online dating, I’ve decided to put another post together.  Those of you who are fellas with an online dating profile you may want to consider these points, if you are having problems i.e. not getting any messages or not getting replies to messages you have sent.

1.  Be careful when choosing your user name.  User names such as ‘BigBalls1984’ and ‘hornyhunk1973’ are not attractive (yes these are real)

2. Tag lines such as ‘free to a good home’ or ‘sick of being single now’ are not going to have women queuing up for you.  They just scream desperate!

3. Sending messages which simply say ‘hi’ are highly likely to be ignored.  If you cannot be bothered putting in any effort with the first message why should we bother responding?

4. Stating things such as ‘Not looking for a penpal, if you only want to chat then jog on!’.  This is a major turn off.  Most women will want to send at least a few messages first, to check out whether or not they feel comfortable in meeting you.

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5.  Putting naked pictures on.  This will only attract a certain type of woman…and not one looking for a relationship.  However, if sex is all you are looking for then carry on!

6.  Get an honest female friend to look at your photos for you.  I have never understood why men decide to put on pictures of them looking angry/aggressive accompanied with captions saying ‘my angry look’.  Think about it…..would you contact a woman that looked angry?!

7.  Put more than one photograph on of yourself, at least one close up and one full length (and make sure they are recent, not from 10 years ago when you feel you were in your prime).  If you do not do this then people may be disappointed if/when they meet you and likely to feel misled.  This will only set you up for a fall later on.

8.  Don’t kill yourself off! Think about how your message may be portrayed.  I received a good first message from someone the other week, it read:

“Bands, festivals, yoga, traveling and amazingly stunningly gorgeously beautiful wow!!! hows it going for you on here? xxx”

(ok so he may have been a bit over the top…but at least he had taken the time to read my profile)

so I replied:

“Hi, how are you. I would say if nothing else its rather amusing! Im not sure I am convinced to be honest! What about you? x”

to which he replied……..

“I can’t stand been on here but yet can’t seem to be able to get away from it, that might be down to the fact I get no interest from girls at all xxx”

Which immediately indicates this man has little self-confidence, and if he gets no interest at all then why should I be interested?  It always worries me when men come across so insecure.  You want the man to be able to stand up and take care of you, I just could nt see this happening from a person who comes across like this.  Secondly in my experience in the relationships I have had, where I went through  a stage of dating people who wanted to be ‘saved’ in one way or another, who suffered from low self esteem and confidence were the ones who usually suffered from jealousy and trust issues.  These are toxic relationships and not good for anyone involved.

9.  Do not ask too many questions in one message.  I got a message from a fella, and as nice looking as he was, I did not bother to reply.  The reason for this was he asked 6 questions in one message, all quite intimate, with the last two asking “so what do you think you could bring to a relationship?” and “what would you do to keep me interested?”

It is not an interview, and the main reason for messaging initially is to see whether conversation can flow naturally between two people.  If it cant flow over messages then its highly unlikely to be easy face to face.

10. Do not write about your best mate, who is female, and you love her to bits and she thinks you are a really nice guy and she just wants you to find someone who you really deserve…..blah, blah, blah.  Do not put pictures of her on your profile either.  Women automatically feel threatened by other women and will straight away begin assessing whether or not they would feel inferior to your best friend and whether they are going to have to be competing for your affection.  I am happy for fellas to have female friends, I am just not sure what I think about them having a female best friend.  Usually men with female best friends have either been in a relationship and shagged this woman before or they turn out to be gay.  Sad but generally true 😉

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So if you are guilty of any of these profile blunders, rectify them and see if it makes a difference.  I would love to hear from you if it does! For all those women looking, I hope this puts some fellas on the right track and internet dating might not be so painful Happy searching everyone!

B.

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Dating website is local job recruiter!

I have been inspired to write about internet dating once again.  I have just received two messages (from separate men) and once again, they have left me speechless!

I switched on my laptop this morning and logged into my account and when I noticed I have two new messages I got a slight burst of excitement.  I say slight burst it was more likely a little twinkle which lasted a millisecond.  The reason for this as I have been on this site now for quite a while and there really is only one or two gems on there, the rest are unfortunately, like bug lumps of coal or small uninteresting pebbles. But you never know…..I am a believer in fate and I think if it’s meant to be then you will come across your soul mate one day, whether that is whilst you are crossing over the street, in a supermarket, online or the more traditional ‘meeting in a bar’.

 escort

I clicked on the first message from the user ‘BigBalls1984’ I think the username should have given it away but I must admit I did not check the user name before I clicked on the message. The message read, and I quote:

“Hey there, I love your profile pictures you are hot! Have you ever considered becoming an escort? You can make loads of money and its really not a bad job, you get paid to take men out.  What do you reckon?”

My intention clearly states on my profile ‘seeking a relationship’ but just to clarify, it is not a relationship of this type!

<DELETE MESSAGE>

Next one looks more promising.  I click on his profile photo, he looks lovely, dark hair, bright blue eyes and a nice, almost shy looking smile.  There are three other pictures on his profile and they are all equally as nice.  I read his profile and he seems nice, regular job, 5ft 11 inches (decent height though I prefer over 6 ft but I wont hold this against him).  I click on his message and it read:

“Hi, you seem like a really nice, down to earth girl.  Would you like to chat?”

I replied with a ‘yes’, why not, what have I got to lose, he actually seems nice and normal (this is important) so I replied:

“Hi, thank you for your message, you seem like a nice guy, what is a beautiful boy like you doing on a site like this?”

Well how I wish I had never asked…..

“Well, have you read the book 50 Shades of Grey? I am looking for a girl that is willing to train to become a submissive.  Do you think this is something you would be interested in?”

My reply…..

“Erm, thank you for the offer but no thanks! Good look with your search”

<DELETE MESSAGE>

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This guy clearly has no idea who he is dealing with.  I consider myself to be a free spirit, quite hedonistic if I am honest.  To become a submissive for me would be like tearing off a birds wings and to finish it off, sticking it in a 4″x4″ box with no breathing space.

Well I guess my search for the one continues.  I remain hopeful though.  If nothing else the online dating is just an input of comedy in my life.  I do not take it too seriously and I am lucky I have a good social life so I do not rely on it being the only way to meet people.  Which is probably best, as unfortunately it would appear mostly the people on there are either desperate, obsessive,a time waster, a fake account, perverted or offering <ahem> a job in some way.

I would actually love to hear from anyone who has had success with online dating, as I am either doing something wrong or I am on the wrong site!

Sell me your knickers! The Strangest Online Dating Request

A little while ago I received a proposition from a man on an internet dating site.  This is not the only proposition I have had on there, and I must say the site generally seems to attract some very strange characters.  However, maybe it is me which is naive, but I could not believe my eyes when the message read:

“Would you consider selling me your used underwear? I will pay up to £200 for three pairs all I ask is that I choose the type of underwear”

SELLING_UNDERWEAR

WHAT??? At first I really thought he was joking!

I never knew things like this existed, until I began a little research on the internet and could not believe it.  I came across this site http://sellpantiesformoney.com/

The worrying thing is it gives you the option to sell your knickers, mentioning large amounts of money, but if you go further down the page it then begins to mention webcams etc.  I can only assume that this is how some people can get lured into working within the porn industry.  With so many people struggling financially and with people seeking fame more than ever I can see some girls will get pulled in.  What is more concerning is, are people going on to dating sites to try and find vulnerable people?  Luckily it is not something I would even consider, but I can imagine if you are strapped for cash and someone offers a large sum of money you may sell your soul and could end up regretting it later.

May I just clarify at this point that I am no prude and I know fetish and fantasies exist and mostly there is no problem with these.  My point here is are people prying on the vulnerable to get them into an industry which they would not normally consider?

 

Without a spark there is no fire

tarzan

Not so long ago I began chatting to a guy on an online dating website.  We chatted for a couple of weeks and one day he asked me to meet up with him.  From his photographs he seemed a nice enough looking guy, he stated he was 6 feet tall and he had a good job etc, so on the face of it this man he great potential.  As I am a tallish lady, some 5 feet 10 inches tall I absolutely LOVE a tall man.  It is the security I feel when they hug you, almost like a ‘Tarzan and Jane’ moment.

Imagine my disappointment when the fella turned up looking distinctly older than he did on his photographs and about two inches shorter, he was the same height as me, and I was not wearing heels at the time (thank goodness!).  I decided not to write him off just yet as sometimes you have to give people the chance and he seemed pleasant enough.  We went for a drink and as soon as we went to sit down he sat in the single chair leaving me to sit on a bench type chair in the corner, not very polite and I do not like being shoved in a corner.  As soon as I sat down he then got up and sat next to me on the bench style chair.  As there was a table in front of me I now felt rather uncomfortable. However we soon began chatting about the messages we had sent and the conversations we had covered in those messages.  Unfortunately after twenty minutes or so the conversation began to run dry.  This is unusual for me as I can quite often fill any awkward silences with ease but something just did nt feel right.  It confirmed things when he went to the toilet and upon his return he said:

Oh well you’ve not done a runner so that’s a bonus!

I began saying I needed to get home shortly as I had loads of things to sort out at home before work the next day.   He proceeded to show me pictures of his family days out and the final picture of his mum with hot chocolate round her mouth and stuck to her teeth were pretty much the final straw.  As I was about to make my excuses and go I received a text message.  I could not believe it, it was from my date! I looked at him and he showed now emotion on his face at all so I presumed it was an old message which had come through late.  I clicked it open and I could not believe my eyes.  The message read:

I am dying to kiss you right now

I know we met online, but this man did realise that when you meet up you are supposed to be able to converse face to face orally as we are not still in cyberland…..did nt he? I looked at him again (more that likely with a look of horror on my face).  At this point I really could not think of anything I would rather not do. I did not fancy him at all, there was no connection, no spark and to be honest he actually was starting to freak me out!  Surely the absence of my response and the look I gave him was enough for him to understand that this was no the way to approach a situation.  UNFORTUNATELY NOT!!!

He lunged towards me, and I did only what I could of done in this desperate situation-I grabbed the scarf that was around my neck, put it over my mouth and said:

NO, I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO!

My date looked wounded, like a child who’d been told off for stealing biscuits out of the tin.  He replied “Really?”.  Erm, let me think about this a minute………YES, REALLY! I had been hemmed into a corner, subjected to his family album and epic tedious stories about people, of whom I had no idea who they were, and to top it off a text message whilst he was sat next to me which if that was nt embarrassing enough, then having to create a way to not kiss him which did not go too well as I was in such a panic.  Overall I think anyone would probably agree this was not a great first date!  We sat there in silence for what felt like a life time in itself and all I could think about what what can I say to leave.

So……erm…..I’ve lots to do before work tomorrow, I am sorry but I need to leave

I managed in a slightly nervous squeaky voice.

manipulation

As he was not familiar with the location we had met, I offered to walk him back to the train station.  Although this was a terrible date I do not believe he was a bad person.  He was just not for me and I could not just leave him stuck in the middle of nowhere as I would nt like that being done to me.  We walked the two minutes over to the train station and when we arrived he invited me out for a date in two days time….really???? Are you kidding?! I politely responded with “I will let you know” and he then said:

Well I know this may not have been the best date but I have had a really great time.  I know the timing was wrong with the kiss thing, but I think on the next date it wont be so awkward

Yes you are absolutely right mate, it wont be so awkward because there will never be a second date, not now and not ever. I politely said goodbye and left.

2-online-dating

This was a harsh lesson learnt.  I was an amateur online dater with just over three weeks experience.  It is very easy to become carried away with chatting online, maybe covering topics you would not normally cover and creating a connection, thinking you have some much in common.  The reality is, you can have as much in common with a person as you like, if there is no spark there, there is no fire! You cannot have a relationship with someone if there is nt that magic ingredient.  No one knows what that is and currently there is no scientific way of calculating whether or not you will find that connection, that spark, that x-factor with another person.  If you are going to date online my advice is this: Do not chat for too long (as you could be wasting valuable time) and arrange a date (in a public place, remember your safety!).  Meeting them is the only way you will ever know! You could be a perfect match according to the online dating site, but what do they really take into consideration?  My guess is, it is not your feelings or your heart or that connection. Online dating is a great way to be introduced to people and it does work for some, so by all means do it, you could be a lucky one. Just remember 1) Don’t fall in love with the online person because they may not be who they say they are (Think Catfish: The Movie, Catfish: The TV Show); 2) Meet – you need that connection; 3) Do not be afraid to meet because if it is meant to be then you will overcome any fear or awkwardness; 4) Follow your gut instinct at all times – if your initial reaction is to not meet do not do it.  If you get the urge to leave whilst on the date the do it!

As for me, I have met a few more people and been a couple more dates, but I’ll leave those stories for another time!