Having been married to the chief manipulator there were a few things that I learned along the way, and a few I realised post relationship. First how do you recognise a manipulator? A manipulator is someone who will do anything to get you to do things for them. Beware of tears (they are not always a sign of being genuine), charm (being overly nice for no reason or over complimentary…..hmmm what do they want?!), guilt-tripping (projecting guilt on to you making them look like the victim) and lies (watch their body language).
If you find yourself being involved with a manipulator, here are my tips:
1. Do not negotiate with them. For emotional manipulators, it’s all about having, exerting and gaining more power. So they’ll always push for more and they’ll never compromise. YOU CANNOT WIN.
2. Don’t engage with them. Don’t try to talk, or reason, or discuss some matter with them – as they’ll try to twist your motives, and leave you feeling “bad”. YOU CANNOT WIN.
3. Don’t confront them. They’re quick to take offense and they love an argument. They’ll then turn and attack you – and never let things go. YOU CANNOT WIN.
You cannot have successful relationships with this type of person. Every argument will be your fault (and believe me there will be lots of them as manipulators love arguments). You will end up doing things you do not want to do or would have never considered (all because they want you to) and on the back of this, you will feel angry and annoyed with yourself for compromising your values or beliefs. If they ever help you then you will be forever in your debt. As difficult as it is, you need to try and not react to this person. do not allow them to press your buttons, as once they have worked out what they are, you will become their constant source of entertainment.
You really are best not having anything to do with manipulators as they bring nothing positive to your life. You will end up giving your all trying to please this person and constantly feel inadequate, therefore never happy.
Take note: manipulators are playing a game, they are unable to admit they are wrong, they do not build meaningful relationships. These people should be avoided at all costs, harsh but true. Do not work with these people, do not have relationships or friendships with them. Do not even walk their dogs or feed their cats. Whatever you do or whatever you say will be twisted and turned around to make you feel bad. They have one objective, to wear you down and make you submit. Everything to them is a competition and in their head the only person who can lose is you and they will not stop until they get that. One thing is for sure, your life will be so much easier if you avoid these people. I would have never said this ten years ago but seeing how my marriage ended and what I still have to put up with to this day it is something I can say with ease and not feel I have to apologise about.
I thought I had escaped ‘Blue Monday’….well technically I did, but I have ended up with ‘Blue Tuesday’ instead!
Blue Monday is apparently the most depressing day of the year as it is the first day back at work since Christmas break. I guess then this ties in with my ‘blue’ day being a day later as this is my first day back….
I am trying to stay positive and know that this feeling will pass. It is difficult when you have been given quality time to spend with your children, family and friends to then have to go back to the day to day routine. It always emphasizes to me that us humans are not made for this 9-5 (if you’re lucky) rat race. I hope one day to be able to pursue my passion as a freelance writer so that I am no longer held to ransom by the big fat rats and I can stand on my own two feet in this increasingly demanding and stressful environment which is our world.
My promise to myself in the meantime is to not let ‘life’ get me down, and to stay positive and grateful for the life that I have. This outlook is the one that keeps me sane…. 🙂