Going Backwards? It is not possible, time will never allow it

I had my first child at 17, needless to say I was nt married and the relationship did not last. By 28 I had given birth to my second and third children.  I still was not married, nor did the fella ever intend to propose, mainly as he knew he had some sort of control in this matter, and all I ever wanted was the happily ever after.  So I planned the wedding, and when our third child was 6 months old, we got married.  I was never proposed to, and he never said he wanted to marry me, but he did. I am now divorced. Single again and have been for two years.  I am dating, for the first time in my life.  I meet men, go on dates and if I want to see them again I do, if I don’t  then I don’t.  For the first time in my life, I realised I actually had a choice in relationships.  My children are older now.  I go out with friends, I go on holiday with them, weekends away to festivals and allow myself that time to let my hair down.  I am truly living a single life.  With three older children in tow.  They of course also get my time, but as I am sole carer, with not much of a break I allow myself some freedom now and again.  I benefit, but so do they.

I had a career at 21, working in a law firm, receiving a large pay check at the end of each month and a decent annual bonus to boot.  At 30, I left, I’d had enough of the rat race and returned to university.  I am a student. I also work, part time.

I had a house at 21, albeit with a mortgage but it was mine.  After a failed engagement and then a failed marriage and all the financial implications that came with that (thanks ex-husband for eternally lumbering me with your debt) I now live in rented.  Although it is not all bad, as in actual fact this is the first house that actually feels like home to me, since leaving my parents home some 15 years ago.

At 21, despite having a child, I had savings.  Maybe this was because it was before the recession hit us, I do not know.  But I now no longer have savings.  Another way I have gone backwards…..?

I felt at one point I had it all.  Husband, children, career, money. But I did not.  I did not have my freedom, nor my happiness. I was sad, and despite being surrounded by my husband and children I felt lonely.  Nothing fulfilled me.  I felt like a shell, an outline of a person with nothing inside. Empty.

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I used to be very creative, but all of this had fallen by the way side to make time for my career and my children.  I was desperately trying to hold everything together and it worked for a couple of years, but once the cracks began to show, no matter how much I tried to plaster of them, it was just a temporary fix.  I had to strip back to basics, and reassess my life.  At first I thought I had thrown everything away, until I realised I had in fact just began to clear everything away.  The things which I no longer needed in my life as they served no purpose, and in fact made me very unhappy.  However, I am happier now than I have ever been.  I still have problems in my life I have to deal with, but I do not ‘struggle’ to deal with them.  I am not constantly stressed out and have managed to develop a ‘whatever will be, will be’ attitude.  I believe sometimes we are so conditioned by society that we believe the house, car, husband, children, career blahdy blah is what is going to keep us happy. Having lived that live, it did not work for me, and I know plenty others that it has not worked for either.

If you feel unhappy, it is time to assess your life.  Do not be frightened, as you have to do this, for yourself. You have a duty to live life in the most happiest, fulfilling way that you can.

I had difficulty allowing myself time.  I felt guilty, feeling as though I had to be there for my children 24/7.  So I not only felt guilty when I went out for dinner with friends, or for a weekend away at a spa, I felt guilty when I went to work!  Working 10 hours a day in a law firm, meant most days I did not see my children for more than an hour a day-combined from before and after work.  It made it more difficult for me to accept as when I tried to explain it to my husband, he was so money driven (mainly as I paid his bills) that he failed to even consider a reduction in my hours.  So when I was finally brave enough to take a look at my life, and after my now ex-husband had left, I know the next thing on my list was my work.  I had always been interested in people and what made them tick, so I chose to do Psychology.  I left my work, which had always served as a security blanket and I took the giant step of becoming a student. This freed up a lot of my time, and now I can take my children to school every morning and collect them from school three days a week.  The guilt of not being a ‘proper’ mother (this way my ideal of the type of mother I wanted to be) to my children has gone.  Which now means I can also take time out some weekends, guilt-free.

Your steps do not have to be as life changing as mine, I am in no way advocating that every one packs in their jobs and gets divorced.  This worked for me, and I am still in transition after two years, but every day I am a step closer to where I want to be.  So even though I looked as though I was going backwards, (and believe me, many people questioned me, and some thought I was in mid-life crisis) I actually just cleared the decks so I could move forwards. I AM HAPPY.

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Victoria Emmerson Bracelet….Verdict

https://www.facebook.com/victoriaemersondesign/info

http://victoriaemerson.co.uk/

These bracelets are described as handmade from leather with crystal beads.  They are wrap around bracelets with three different fastenings and a ‘button’ fastening.

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A couple of weeks ago I mentioned I had ordered a Vicky Emmerson bracelet as they were in the sale.  I loved the boho style and so I chose the Brownstone crystal bracelet which had been reduced to £21 from £125. Here’s my verdict:

Upon initial receipt of the bracelet I was thrilled.  The delivery was very quick, within two days of ordering and I was happy that the bracelet had arrived before Christmas so that I could wear for any Christmas parties.

The picture on the website was a true representation of the product. However, upon closer inspection of the bracelet I realised that the leather appeared to either have a plastic coating, is poor quality leather or is actually a type of plastic. This poses a problem as the knotted fastenings  began to loosen as I wore the bracelet.  I also noted that the ‘button’ to fasten the bracelet feels quite poor quality and would give an instant feeling of luxury were it to be made of silver.  Let’s be honest here, if you were to pay £125 for a bracelet you would expect the item to be of better quality than some dress jewellery you can purchase from the High Street. Also some of the beads had started to crack and break, despite me taking care of the bracelet whilst wearing it. The price of £21 is more realistic and a true representation of what price these bracelets should be.  I would have been one extremely disappointed and upset customer should I have paid the full price, as I do not believe the product is worth over £100.  Finally it is worth a mention that the velvet bag sent with the bracelet is rather poor quality with the name ‘Victoria Emmerson’ simply printed on the bag.

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If you like the look of the bracelets and are seriously considering purchasing one I would say go for it, but purchase one of the sale priced items as in my opinion I cannot see the value of the fully priced item. Sorry VE!

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Yoga good for body and soul

Yoga

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One thing I love in my life is yoga.  No matter how hectic life is, yoga allows you to take a small amount of time out.  I believe it is more important that ever to allow time for yourself as generally more is demanded from us and life is becoming more and more stressful.  Many people think they are unable to do yoga as they are too unfit or not flexible enough.  This is a myth as anyone can start yoga.  It is progressive, the more you do it, the stronger and more flexible you become in body and mind.

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http://www.beamingbuddhas.co.uk

Rest In Peace Paul Walker

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  • Paul William Walker IV was an American actor. He became famous in 1999 after his role in the hit film Varsity Blues, but later became best known for starring as Brian O’Conner in The Fast and the Furious film series
  • Sad and shocking news to hear the star of Fast & Furious films today was killed in a car crash whilst on his way with a friend to a charity event.  Paul Walker, 40 years old, was well known for the work he does for charity and leaves behind family including a daughter.  RIP Paul Walker, from what we know of you, today heaven received an angel.   Paul’s friend, who was the driver of the vehicle, was also killed when the vehicle they were travelling in crashed and burst into flames.  Such a tragedy.

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