Quote

Lost

Always searching, not knowing where I am going

Looking for an adventure without a destination

Feeling lost but not knowing why

Looking for something but not knowing the item

Will I ever feel settled?

Will I ever feel at home?

Not until my soul finds what it is looking for….

-Blogizing

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Blogizing Review: That’s a Wrap….Get Lucky

Over the last eight months, life has been tough.  I have been juggling a degree in Psychology, a part time job, my own yoga business and bringing up my three children single handed.  Money has been tight and we decided to throw a puppy into the mix….oh my days.  So….as my life was busy and stressful enough, I really did not need what was to happen next. My eldest child, a 15 year old boy, who, when everyone who meets him says he is sure going to be a heart breaker (I think he already is-as the gaggle of girls follow him around and he responds with his ‘can’t be arsed’ attitude) was run over by an elderly gentleman, and he suffered serious injuries.  Two broken femurs to be exact.  i found out by his friend calling me on my mobile, luckily…just as i had arrived home.  What normally would take the likes of Linford Christie a good 5 minute sprint to where the accident had happened, it took me literally 3!  There I was running like I had never done before down the road, dressed in a short red dress, and drivers beeping me as I ran past!  For goodness sake….do you not  know that my son has just been run over…that was my thoughts…in between ‘please god, please let him be ok, just let him be awake.’  Of course the drivers did not know that the lad laid in the middle of the road further down the street was my son. As I approached I saw a trainer further up the road from where everyone was crowding round.  My heart jumped to my mouth and everything began to spin. ‘Please let him be alive….please just be awake..’ I kept repeating over and over in my mind.  I approached his friend who was inconsolable.  Luckily, my son was conscious…just.  The ambulance seemed to take forever and my son was drifting in and out, trying to tell me he was going to sleep.  I did all I could to keep him awake.  I was not going to lose him no way. Although this was a stroke of bad luck (and we have had more since-but that’s another story) it was also a stroke of good luck…because he survived and eight months down the line he is almost back to normal….barr the metal rods in his legs…but he is getting there.  HE IS ALIVE and that is all that matters. I came across this bracelet recently and it reminded me of what we as a family have been through these last 8 months…a serious accident, issues with the children’s father which has brought a lot of stress, anxiety problems, money problems, and finally only last week an accident at school involving once again my teenage boy who has now suffered a broken arm as a result!  I can honestly say I have not had such a bad run of luck in such a short space of time.  So when I saw the name of this bracelet….That’s a wrap-Get Lucky I thought, this is an omen, I have been brought to this for a reason.

That's a wrap Get Lucky Bracelet

That’s a wrap Get Lucky Bracelet

THAT’S A WRAP…..that’s it….that is the end of this run of bad luck. GET LUCKY….With Pleasure! etsy Buy the bracelet here at a modest cost of £3.50 can you afford not to…? 🙂 The bracelet is from a range of hand made jewellery by Kimberley Wilson, an entrepreneur who has been making jewellery as a hobby for a few years now, but has recently decided to make it her business, and we really do wish her all the luck, as the jewellery is something we personally really love.  It has a contemporary boho chic kind of feel, something really wearable, and also something wish is just as great as a gift. Read other reviews of Kimberley’s Jewellery

That's a wrap heart bracelet

That’s a wrap heart bracelet

 

thats a wrap imagine  thats a wrap make peace  thats a wrap dream  thats a wrap smile alot

Now that’s a wrap!

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Acknowledgements: With Thanks to Kimberley Wilson for contacting us at Blogizing to Review her awesome jewellery range….we wish you all the best in your business venture and we are excited and looking forward to seeing your new pieces in the future!

Blogizing: The Book That Changed My Life

We all have that one book that once we have read it, it stays with us forever.  For whatever reason it made a huge impact.  Whether it is because you can relate to the character, the situation or it just ‘clicks’ with you, you know after reading it, it is with you, part of your brain and part of your soul. The book I am referring to is One Day by David Nicholls.  It was made into a film starring Anne Hathaway as the leading lady.  I was so excited when I found out they were making the book into the film and I had high expectations.  Unfortunately…it did not fulfil them and I was left feeling a little disappointed.  Which initially surprised me as I really do like a film with Anne Hathaway normally, she played a great part in The Devil Wears Prada, and I think that is when she first caught my attention.  Anyway….after some further consideration I realised perhaps the film was nt all that bad and it was in fact my actual love for the book, and the fact i had read it a couple of times, not only digested the information contained within the book, but pretty much memorised it, therefore noticing every little thing they actually left out of the film, and the parts they had changed.

This was the first book that I ever finished.  FACT

This was the first book I actually ever cried at. FACT

This is the only book that has had an impact on me. FACT

By why? I hear you say…..

It is written within an era I was growing up in therefore I have a connection straight away…..the 80’s! I was born in 1980 and although the fashion and music in my opinion, leave a lot to be desired I still love the 80’s.  The way people seemed to ‘make do’, the  memories of my family, places I lived, toys I played with, holidays I enjoyed.  These were the happiest ten years of my life, as at the age of 1o my parents separated and subsequently divorced, so I hold the 80’s up there as important, happy, iconic years of my life.

As I began to read the story, I really related to the main character Emma, and felt it could even have been me.  Not actually me, but if I was to be auditioning as a part to play Emma in a film, based upon my love life and my expectation of my love life….it definitely could have been me.

One Day is a funny/sad love story spanning twenty years, a book about growing up – how we change, how we stay the same.

The story basically follows two people, Emma and Dexter-who meet at University on their night of graduation and the following day they go their seperate ways.  However, on the same day every year they catch up on what is happening in each others lifes.  It follows them for twenty years, showing how they change.  You so desperately want them to get together and when it is right to do so for one of them, it is the wrong timing for the other.  Many things happen and they change for the better and for the worse.  Dexter follows the wrong path of drink and drugs and Emma just does not seem to be reaching her full potential.  Eventually they get together and what happens next was such a shock, I cannot tell you!  Well, actually…..I can tell you but it is still painfully difficult…..Emma is hit by a truck whilst riding her bicycle through the streets of London.  I remember reading this book whilst in the bath and I actually sobbed.  Not cried as in tears running down my cheeks….but full on balled my eyes out to the point my cheeks stung from the tears.  This was such a tragic story.  From the point of meeting Emma loved Dexter, but he was so silly not to realise it.  Eventually, he finally came to his senses, sorted out his life, they get together and she is killed.  ‘That would just be my luck, I thought!

It is n’t that I am a particularly morbid person in any way.  I do however have an irrational fear of death.  I am always pursuing ‘my one true love’ whoever that may be and I am so worried that if I find them they will be taken away from me.  Riddiculous I know, and probably the reason I have never been lucky enough to meet my soul mate.  The universe probably thinks I do not deserve it or cannot handle it.  Quite possibly correct.  The good news is, I am receiving counselling for my fear as it extends to all parts of my life, to a point where I can be quite self destructive in order to protect myself and/or others.  I do this subconsciously, so a lot of the time I do not even know I have done it.

I have moved on to realising that I am just as entitled to a happy life with happy things in it that any other person.  This has been a big step for me.  I also now know that when good things happen it does not automatically mean things will be taken away from me.

This book was life changing for me.  Not just because I, at the time, related to the story, but because it made me realise the intensity of my fear and after some years finally get some help. Never have I again managed to engage so much with a book, nor have I cried to that extent.  Thank you David Nicholls for what is likely to be ‘the’ book that changed my life!

http://www.davidnichollswriter.com/one_day

Which book has had a lasting effect on you? We would love to hear about it 🙂

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Finding my soulmate, my twin flame

I NEVER KNEW HE WAS MISSING FROM MY LIFE, UNTIL I FOUND HIM

Our eyes met across the dance floor, I smiled at him and shyly looked away.  I looked back and he was smiling at me again.  I could feel the excitement building in my body. He moved nearer  to where I was and began to dance next to me.  I could feel the tension, the anticipation of what could be.  Whilst he danced his hand brushed past mine, sending an electric shock down my arm. My heart jumped, my stomach lurched, my body tingled.  I glanced sideways and again was met with a gaze from his beautiful brown eyes.  To me he was picture perfect, and had an air of shyness about him which made him more attractive.  As I looked at him and I smiled again, without saying a word, he leaned towards me.  He softly took a hold of my hand.  He lightly brushed my lips with his, he pulled away and we stared into each others eyes.  He moved towards me again for another kiss, this time more intense and urgent.  I closed my eyes and it was as if time stood still, I did not care who saw us, nor did it matter. I had found him. My twin flame.

Twins-in-love

<Fiction>

Blogizing: We’ve joined Wild Woman Community

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Blogizing has joined the Wild Woman Community, a website offering support to aspiring writers, authors and healers.

It’s mission is :

Collaboration not Competition

“WWC aims to give women a place to visit for guidance and to learn more/share their creative/spiritual knowledge.  The Community supports and promotes a back to nature approach through natural and holistic methods.

The contributors will be everyday extraordinary women – healers, artists, writers, and independent female entrepreneurs with creative vision which in turn will promote the contributors, their work and/or products through the Community, either through the work they share or by way of an advertising online directory and shop. The contributors will share their knowledge, stories, skills and creative ideas, through articles, videos and courses.

There will also be a fundraiser/grass-roots activism area to act as agent for change on a community level and fundraising for women’s causes. In the future there will be a forum where woman come together in a safe, non-judgmental arena to share and seek/give support on the many areas of life that women struggle with.” Wild Woman Community

Check us out here:  Blogizing on Wild Woman Community

http://wild-woman.com/

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Blogizing: Signs of Emotional Abuse “It will never happen to me”


Emotional Abuse is not something which is easy to recognise.  I was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship for five years in total, I was married to him and had two children with him.  I did not realise at the time that the relationship was abusive.  I thought we just had a ‘roller coaster’ of a relationship and there was so many ups and downs because we were passionate about the relationship an really loved each other.  That is what he told me anyway………

Many people think someone in an abusive relationship is in denial, but in actual fact most do not realise there is a problem.  They are not burying their head in the sand or covering up for them…..they just DO NOT relate themselves to being in an abusive relationship. Full Stop. 

Abuse is usually something which is thought to be physical….something which can be seen….marks on the body for example.  It is also important to remember that abuse of any type is not limited to a male abusing a female.  Abuse happens in same sex relationships and some females abuse males. We need to learn to pick up signs of emotional abuse, whether this is for yourself or someone else.  Emotional abuse is something which is more difficult to pin point as there are often no signs.  At first things are great and then one day something happens but because you are hoping that this person is ‘THE ONE’ you are looking at them with rose tinted spectacles!  You will justify their behaviour in your own mind with things like ‘they ve just had a bad day’ or ‘they are nice to me all the other times, they do not mean it.’ Every time you smooth over a situation and let your partner get away with the unacceptable behaviour the next time it is likely to be worse, it is a steady decline.  The power they feel makes them want more and more.  They will no doubt apologise, they may buy you gifts, take you somewhere nice to make up for their behaviour.  Some will cry telling you how bad they feel… (this means that they are sorry….does n’t it?) HELL NO!!! You could not be further from the truth.  They are simply manipulating you into feeling sorry for them, transferring the guilt on to you, and over time ‘chipping away’ at you, slowly unpicking your personality, stripping you of your charisma self-esteem and independence, simply so they can control you and you will be totally dependent upon them.  They will suck out your ambition, crush your spirit and stamp on your feelings.  They will rule you with an iron fist.

“This won’t happen to me” I hear you say……. THAT’S WHAT I SAID……But it happened to me.

I did not realise it, my family did not realise it (in fact he even managed to turn some of my family against me) and it was only thank you to a caring work colleague who one day took me to one side and said “This is emotional abuse, he is doing all he can to try and break you down….” That was the day when the penny dropped.  That was the beginning of the rest of my life. So what are some of the signs of EMOTIONAL abuse?

1. THEY WANT YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION 24/7 This sounds great does nt it.  When you first get together it is normal to want to spend time together.  But if they drop all his friends and stop doing the normal things like their hobbies etc, your relationship may be going in the wrong direction.  If you feel you do not have much time for yourself, or your friends or family, and feel that you cannot do the things you normally would do as you do not want to upset your partner then your partner is probably trying to control you. This may seem dramatic….but think to 6 months or so down the line, when you are constantly attached to each others hip, and your friends or family no longer invite you to do things as they know your answer will be ‘no’. How will you feel when you realise that the only person you have is your partner?  Probably fine…..until something goes wrong and you feel lonely and stuck.  Is this really how a relationship should feel? “I had a little boy when I met my ex, I did n’t realise at the time, but my partner was extremely jealous of my little boy and tried to push him out.  He not only emotionally abused me but he emotionally abused my son too.  that is something I find difficult to deal with and it has taken a long time for me to forgive myself.  Luckily my son is growing up to be a good level headed young man, of whom I am very proud of.  It could have been a very different story.”

2. THEY ACT LIKE A DICTATOR AND MAKE ALL THE RULES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP They do not want you to hang out with your mates, but it is fine for them to do what they want…..they will complain that they do not like your friends, saying they are a bad influence or are too slutty or they do not trust them.  They hate your best friend (probably because they are trying to indicate your partner is controlling….).  Does this sound familiar?  How about this: They do not like the clothes you wear, always choose what you are doing, what you are eating, what you are drinking…. “My ex hated my best friend.  He was very clever as he managed to turn things around so that I felt sorry for him and I ended up not seeing my best friend for over two years. I never fell out with her we just eventually lost touch.  She was frustrated because all she wanted for me was to be happy and to be with someone who treated me right.  I was so in love with him that I could not see the tree for the woods. Looking back he was always controlling, very clever and calculating and in the end I paid the price.  Luckily my best friend and I are now back in touch and things are as they always were.  We are always here for each other.  We may not see each other from one week to the next, but we share a bond which has always been present from the day we first met at nursery at the age of just three years old.  That bond will never be broken.  The day we reunited we picked up from where we left off. I was lucky but many people would have lost that friend for good.”

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3. THEY ISOLATE YOU FROM PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE This related to the point above, but goes a little step further as it moves from telling you that they do not like your friends, family etc to then actually managing to stop you from seeing them.  You will stop going out with friends so that they stop accusing you of cheating.  You will stop seeing your parents to avoid you getting backlash from your partner because ‘you stayed too long’ or ‘you said something wrong.’  Your partner creates situations to try and force you to choose between them and your friends/family.  You should be able to talk to and spend time with people you like without having to justify yourself. “My ex used to insinuate that my parents had said something horrible about me to them, such as “they say you are out of control” or “well that’s not what they ve said.” but would never elaborate, leaving me to stew.  This allowed me the time to create whatever situation my brain wanted.  It left me feeling like I could no trust anyone.”

4. THEY ‘RE TAKING AWAY YOUR FREEDOM AND NEED TO KNOW YOUR EVERY MOVE A really bad sign of an emotionally abusive relationship is if your boyfriend demands that you tell him details like where you are going, what you are doing and who you are with. He gets mad whenever you do something without telling him. If you do not tell them, then they will do all they can to find out. They cannot deal with not knowing! “My ex went so far as to check my phone and social media accounts, he would log in as me and response to message as if it was me.  It was only when friends responded saying things like “What are you talking about?” that I would realise what they had done.  My ex once even text a work colleague pretending to be me, saying something along the lines of “Great night last night, can’t wait to see you again.”  The colleague asked me what was going on.  Although it was extremely embarrassing I am so glad that he did, as I was able to prove the message was not from me as it was from another number (and it made no sense anyway as I was not with them the night before) but I also have a very good indication of who it was…..”

5. THEY USE THE SILENT TREATMENT TO PUNISH YOU An emotionally abusive guy will refuse to answer text messages, phone calls and e-mails when he gets mad at you. He won’t tell you the reasons that he is mad at you either. Instead, he’ll just disappear off the face of the earth until he feels that you have been punished enough. “My ex ignored me for weeks on end.  We lived together and the atmosphere was unbearable.  It was only once he could see I was at breaking point that he would then offer ‘an olive branch’, a cuddle, a kiss….but never a sorry.  That was my job!”

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6. THEY PUT YOU DOWN AND HURT YOUR FEELINGS “He would call me ‘fat’, ‘ugly’, ‘manipulative’, ‘horrible’, ‘bad mum’ etc etc, anything he knew that was important to me, he would pick at. I now know that he put me down so that he had control over me.” An emotionally abusive guy will accuse you of making a big deal out of nothing when you tell him he’s being hurtful. (Like my ex who always used to say ‘oh as normal you are making a mountain out of a molehill’, or ‘you are such a drama queen, get a grip.’)  This type of person is so insecure of themselves that they need to lower your self-esteem to ensure that you always stay with them.

7. THEY ARE EXTREMELY JEALOUS….OF ANYONE IN PARTICULAR FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX When you are out together, they constantly accuse you of looking at other people. They will accuse you of trying to make them jealous whenever you dress sexy. They do not let you wear sexy clothes like a little summer mini dress or (men) taking your top off to show your abs!  “My ex used to tell me that I looked better without make up and did not want me wearing shorts or short skirts telling me I looked like a slut.”

8. THEY HAVE NO LIMITS Some emotional abusers are drug/alcohol dependent and will often put their addictions before you.  This will bring out the worst in them and will often be when they are at their worst.

9. HE INSTILLS FEAR IN YOU Most healthy romantic relationships offer support and security.  “I never felt secure and I never felt supported.  This only made me try and get more affection from him by trying to please him more.” You should feel comfortable in being able to talk to your partner about anything without having to worry about what their reaction is going to be.  whatever I discussed with my ex, he would turn it back on me so that I was the person who was at fault.  “Why are you always playing victim!” Would be a favourite statement of his.  You and your partner should be able to accept each other for who you are.  If your partner instils fear by threatening or intimidating you to the point where you hesitate to do things without your partner’s approval, it is time to re-evaluate the relationship.  I would in fact suggest ‘getting out’.

10. HE LOWERS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM What do you think when you imagine your favourite partner.  Mine make me feel like I am the only woman in the world, they make me feel beautiful, they build you up, they hug you and make you feel loved.  If they begin to make you feel like nothing, you start to doubt who you are and what you are worth, or being to feel like you have nothing to offer and are worthless, then your partner is not having the effect on you that they should and it is time to re-consider.

11. HE TREATS YOUR LIKE PROPERTY You know that it is time to end an emotionally abusive relationship when you no longer feel like you have any input in it. Your partner only cares about self-preservation and uses you to benefit himself or herself. There is no “we” in your relationship, it is solely based on the interests of one person. And we all know that that is not how things should work out.

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12. ROLLER-COASTER RELATIONSHIP If there is never a constant in your relationship and you never know what to expect from it, it would be categorized as unhealthy. Although it is typical for couples to go through their ups and downs, cyclical highs and lows should not become a pattern. Once you get into a habit of severe fights followed by make ups, you will never gain stability. This erratic relationship can only result in lots of stress and heartbreaks. “From the start we used to argue and fall out, he would throw me out of the house, and then in a few hours we would make up.  He would justify it by telling me that his friend had said ‘It is the day when you stop fighting that you should worry, as that is when you feel you have nothing to fight for.’  Another favourite: ‘It is only because we love each other so much that we argue.’

13.  THEY USE GUILT TO GET WHAT THEY WANT “If I was ever due to go anywhere whether with friends or family, my ex would write me letters insinuating that he was going to harm himself then take off in his car.  He would go missing for hours.  He would nt answer my calls or texts and would often turn off his mobile, only returning after ensuring I had missed my prior arrangement or just beforehand telling me I could go, knowing full well I would not go as I was not ready and was too upset to do so. If it was ever brought up in a later argument he would tell me ‘well I told you to go!’

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You are worth so much more. 

Your life is valuable. 

It is a gift.  

It is your duty to grasp it with both hands. 

Enjoy it.

Do not allow anyone to take this gift away from you.

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Related Articles:

Blogizing: What is a Healthy Relationship?

Blogizing: Manipulation

Blogizing: Domestic Violence by a Female: It’s still abuse!