Finally Seeking my Daniel Cleaver
I read an article this morning, and it really got me thinking. The link for the said article is above, check it out it’s a very interesting read although do me a favour…..wait until you have finished mine 😉
Until fairly recently, I was one of those women that always chose a bad guy. Bad guys ranging from down right little toe rags who eventually ended up in prison (thankfully after I had seen sense and had nothing else to do with them) to the ones who were emotionally unavailable and sometimes manipulative and abusive. They generally were very hot (though not all were model look alikes), had an air of cockiness about them and nine times out of ten were great in bed. But all turned out to be the same, once they had me hooked they turned off the charm, the cockiness became arrogance and my pride and confidence once again dwindled.
It was not until I began studying Psychology that I began to consider why it was that I chose this particular type of man. I could only watch on in envy as my girlfriends settled down with reliable, dependable men and built a life and a family together. Instead I was left picking up the pieces of yet another failed ‘relationship’ where it had fallen apart because I was nt getting from it what I wanted.
Since my divorce in 2011, I began to look at what was going wrong. Previously it was all too easy for me to blame the man because he did this or that (or indeed he did nothing at all). Coincidently this tied in with when I began my degree. I began to learn about attachment and I quickly began to understand that the cause of my obsession with ‘bad boys’ developed due to the poor relationship with my father. I loved my dad growing up, but due to the separation of my parents I did not see him that often. In his past he was a bouncer and probably classed as a ‘bad boy’ himself and I really believe that I was looking for that, for some sort of compensation.
Since realising why I was always attracted to a certain type of man, I have taken the time to be on my own to work out what I really want. Whilst taking this time, I must admit I developed quite an obsession with the likes of ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary just for the pure fact she also came to her senses by the time she was in her thirties and finally chose the ‘nice’ man. The thing is the ‘nice’ man is the man that treats you right, who is emotionally available and wants to be with you. The man who does not make you feel insecure, always second guessing whether you are together or what he is up to. It does not mean they are less appealing. For this valentines I am pleased to say I have chosen a ‘Daniel Cleaver’. He is a nice guy, he shows me interest, he is chasing me….but guess what he is also very good looking, very interesting, sexy as hell and the funniest guy I know!